Plucky Pennywhistle's Magical Menagerie

Episode Report Card
Demian: C+ | 6 USERS: B+
The Hardy Boys Shoot Rainbows Out Of Their Ass

Soon enough, Dapper Sam's trepidatiously tiptoeing through Plucky's front doors, dodging the non-demonic green-haired Gacys he finds closing in on him from all sides until he reaches the reception desk, where a ginger-haired greeter named Howard welcomes him with a too-chipper and entirely sincere, "Welcome to Plucky's, where all your dreams are good!" Dapper Sam flashes the dork his fake badge and asks to speak with the manager. Howie The Ginger-Haired Wonder Weenie promptly scoots off to fetch the woman in question, and while he's waiting, Dapper Sam tensely makes note of a harried waitress named "Libby," who's just now planting her ungrateful brat of a son in one of the restaurant's booths, urging him to finish up with his homework while she finishes up with her shift. "Like I can concentrate in here," Libby's ungrateful brat snots back at his mother, and if Libby chose this moment to backhand the little shit through a wall, my only reaction would be applause. Christ, I hate kids on TV.

Anyway, Dapper Sam next turns his attention to the series of kiddie-decorated placements now lining one of the reception area's walls. Each placemat has a large space in which the children are meant to crayon their "worst fear," which a small cartoon rendition of Plucky The Clown promises to then make disappear. The various fears on display include a green-faced witch, a bloody-toothed shark, a red-faced cannibal homunculus sporting an overloaded diaper, and a man-eating basketball. Only one of these things will become important later. Unfortunately.

Eventually, a petite brunette materializes at Dapper Sam's side and remarks, "Real beauties, huh? We rotate them out once a week -- kids love having their art on the wall." Dapper Sam's all, "Buh?" so "Jean Holliday, Shift Manager" explains, "It's just an exercise some pop psychologist came up with -- plus the owner's obsessed with 'aiding children's development,' so the placemat's a safe way to get kids to talk about their fears." "Personally," she adds, "I think it's a load of hooey." Good for you, sweetie. Now, can we get to the point? Excellent. Dapper Sam, after deftly dodging yet another green-haired Gacy, learns that last night's corpse created quite a scene at the restaurant yesterday afternoon, pulling "a full-frontal douchebag" as he dragged his hapless child away from the party they'd been attending long before the cake and presents had arrived. Dapper Sam goes, "Hmmm!" then steps off to one side to make a phone call. Before the call can connect, however, a shifty-eyed and poorly-groomed janitor whistles to catch his attention and, after hinting that he has a story to tell, the janitor tells Dapper Sam to return once the restaurant's closed for the evening. Dapper Sam tugs down the corners of his mouth, blinks, squints, frowns, blinks again, and sighs, and then it's time to return to...

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