Reading Is Fundamental

Episode Report Card
Demian: B | 5 USERS: A-
Battle Hymn of the Hardy Boys
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Rattle, Rattle WE DON'T GIVE A SHIT ANYMORE THEN! Once upon a time, this episode happened. Then, a little later, this episode happened. Is everyone all caught up now? Excellent.

Rattle, Rattle STILL NOT GIVING A SHIT NOW! Tonight, the NOW! decides to vanish pretty quickly so we might linger in the blackness for a moment as the opening notes of one of Bach's Six Suites For Unaccompanied Cello reverberate across the soundtrack. When the camera finally does fade up, it lingers on a framed "Certificate Of Membership" to something called the "National Scholastic Society of American Secondary Schools," which has been issued to a certain "Kevin Tran" for his purported "achievements in Scholastic Excellence, Leadership, Service & Character," so at least they've been nice enough to provide us with a name for the young gentleman we're about to meet straight off the bat, instead of making us wait fifteen or twenty minutes like they usually do. I'm especially grateful for this, because "Kevin" is a hell of a lot easier on the fingers than "Vaguely Insulting Overachieving Asian-American Stereotype: Male Version," which is what I was going to have to call him had they not been so kind as to provide that helpful little framed certificate. In any event, after lingering on that initial piece of paper for a moment, the camera slides across several other framed proofs of this young man's achievements in various adolescent endeavors, including a couple announcing his placement on Lincoln High's "HONOUR ROLL," which is an odd way for a school in "Neighbor, Michigan," to spell that particular word, but whatever. And just as the camera reaches Kevin himself to focus in on his face as he concentrates intently on his bowing and fingering and whatnot while practicing the abovementioned piece, we cross-fade over to...

...the interior of a night-darkened and abandoned warehouse in "South Chicago, Illinois," to watch as Our Intrepid Heroes set up shop. And yes, I realize this was the very first thing I bitched about in the recaplet for this episode, but really, guys? Richard Roman and his teeming hordes of Leviathanically-enhanced underlings have basically taken over Mount Prospect, and you decide to crack open that priceless and likely deadly artifact you just stole from them only a couple miles away from them down the Kennedy? Morons.

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