Episode Report Card
Demian: D | 2 USERS: C
Aunt Gertrude Gropes The Hardy Boys

The next morning, the boys bicker with each other over losing The Hand until Posh Bela comes a-pounding on their squat's front door. With tremendous reluctance, they allow her in, and after dancing around the topic, Posh Bela finally admits she saw the ship. Our Intrepid Heroes are shocked and appalled, because they've realized Damp Dick slaughters only those who have killed a family member -- because The Moist Menace Of The Seven Seas was himself strung up on order of his brother, The Santo's captain -- so Posh Bela, in addition to being "an immoral, thieving, con-artist bitch" must also be a parricide, as well. As the dread specter of Daddy Issues has already reared its hideous and clich├ęd head once this evening, we'll be assuming she offed her stupid father and be done with it, because I really, really don't care one way or the other at this point. To be honest with you, I really, really don't care one way or the other at any point as far as Bela's concerned, but whatever. Our Dear Boys hesitate for a moment when Posh Bela begs for their assistance, but because they're marshmallowy pushovers at heart, they eventually agree to do what they can.

Cemetery. Sam's drawn a pentacle on a granite grave slab, around which are arranged several candles and bowls of herbs and such. He drops, like, a leek in the center of the thing, and steps back to see what happens while Dean and Posh Bela bitch at each other over the patent stupidity of College Boy's plan, here. They quickly shut up, however, when swiftly appearing storm clouds race to obscure the full moon, and as rain begins to sluice down upon their heads, Super-Smart Sammy cracks open their worthless bastard of a so-called father's demonic day planner and gets to latinating. The storm quickly ramps up in intensity around them, with Damp Dick eventually materializing in the downpour to knock at Dean's back door. Not like that. Sickos. The Moist Menace shoots out his hand and physically hurls Dean into a nearby obelisk, then advances upon Posh Bela as Sam roars his latination over the storm's crashing thunder. Damp Dick presses his ejaculating palm against Posh Bela's cheek, and the parricidal aggravation immediately starts spewing saltwater into the cemetery's dirt. The instant Sam finishes bellowing his incantation, however, Posh Bela stops gagging, and the storm overhead races away even faster than it had arrived. Damp Dick, sensing a presence behind him, slowly spins to find...his equally ghastly brother! Spluttering apologies! Yawn. Fortunately, The Moist Menace tires quickly of this bullshit and charges, and in a nicely done effects shot -- though it does drag on for a wee bit too long -- when Damp Dick smacks into his fratricidal brother, both erupt into a slow-motion spray of water that glows bright white as it atomizes, destroying them both, and wow, I so did not need a Theme Mallet whacking me straight between the eyes this late in the evening. Yeah, yeah, we get it, show: If Our Intrepid Heroes continue along the path they've chosen for themselves thus far this season, they'll have little choice but to destroy each other. Whatever, and shut up, Supernatural, so you can consider this: If you continue along the indifferently paced, shockingly unfocused, and hideously boring path you've chosen for yourself thus far this season, The CW will have little choice but to cancel you, because your ratings will go down the toilet. So there. "Demian, darling, not to detract from your argument at all, I'm sure!" Raoul shrieks. "But aren't the ratings already in the toilet?!" Do you want your cocktails at the end of this dreadful episode, my scaly friend? "Of course!" Then ZIP IT so I don't KILL YOU BEFORE THE NEXT THREE MINUTES ARE UP. "Ooops! Mum's the word, then! Hee!" Raoul's nervous titters vanish into the final METAL TEETH CHOMP!

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