Episode Report Card
Demian: D | 2 USERS: C
Aunt Gertrude Gropes The Hardy Boys

Shortly afterwards, the brunette takes a shower. A very long shower. A very long, rather soapy shower captured in loving and lingering detail by the camera that pans slowly across her alluringly parted and voluptuous lips as the invitingly warm water gently sprays upon her face, then trails down the shapely, supple curve of her back to flow past her firm yet-- "This is boring!" shrieks Raoul. "How much of this ridiculous low-rent soft-core pornography must we endure before she screams and screams and SPLAT?!" Too much, my scaly friend. Far too much. But do lighten up, because her impending doom's just slithered its shadowy way up to the frosted shower door, and is now pressing its grey and manly palm against the glass, where it proceeds to ejaculate viscous streams of goo from its fingertips down the pane. "Isn't that physically impossible?!" Raoul demands. Not on this show, apparently, but let's not deliberate on the distasteful matter, because the soapy brunette's just noticed the accompanying set of vile rubbing noises generated by the perverse ghoul in her bathroom, and is now easing open the shower door to investigate. Of course, she finds nothing at all amiss in the bathroom at large, and so returns beneath the spray to lather herself once more until...the perverse ghoul slings an arm around her throat and slams her up against the frosted glass! The slippery brunette gags and chokes as she's knocked from one wall of the shower to the other -- all of this almost entirely obscured from our view by the opaque glass, of course, because despite this scene's base intent, this show is still not airing on Cinemax, and thank God for that -- until she emits one final squawk as her own palm flattens against the far side of the glass, where it remains for a moment before the soapy brunette's dropping corpse drags it into the...

...RAAAWWWR! "Eeeeeeeeeeeee!" shrieks Raoul, entirely against his will, before turning to me and huffing -- two perfectly outraged circles of smoke popping from his outraged nostrils, natch -- "Well! If that was their tribute to Psycho, it left very much to be desired, indeed! Where was the slashing knife!? Where were the shrieking strings?! Where was the GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!?" Oh, Raoul, you dear, sweet, featherbrained little thing. Psycho? Try Sorority House Massacre II. "I should be most disappointed in you at the moment, but that tagline is making me giggle!" Inappropriately, I hope. "Absolutely!" Excellent. Shall we move on? "Let's!"

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