Repo Man

Episode Report Card
Demian: C- | 5 USERS: A-
The Life Of A Hardy Boy Is Always Intense

Back from the break, we scuttle back over to the library, where we find Darling Sammy still assiduously ignoring Lucifer's advances. Eventually, he snatches up his phone to contact Dean, but the call of course ends up falling into Dean's voice mail, which Lucifer loudly interprets as "not a good sign." After leaving his brother a terse and somewhat bitchy message, Sam returns his attention to the autopsy reports he's apparently been lugging all over Coeur d'Alene, gifting Lucifer with the opportunity to lay this bit of exceedingly helpful science upon his tantalizing ass: "Surprised you haven't picked up on that yet -- it's right there in the coroner's report: In this latest round of killings, our big girls had traces of heavy tranquilizers in their blood." A quick close-up of one of the reports seems to confirm this, and Lucifer continues, "But our demon's strong enough to make Fat Betty do whatever he wants, right? So, why does he need the tranks?" "Think he's got a bad back?" Lucifer teases as Darling Sammy's eyes start darting madly back and forth. "Whatever is going on here," Lucifer concludes with a wickedly self-satisfied grin, "you know that demon's not coming back to kill anybody." Darling Sammy, obviously conceding Lucifer's point, snatches up his phone again to dial another of Dean's cells, but much to Sam's obvious dismay and increasing panic, this call also drops into voice mail. "Oh, no!" Lucifer sings. "That's every cell phone Dean's got! One of them should have picked up, right?" "Big brother's probably dead," Lucifer sighs, and at that, Darling Sammy finally breaks his self-imposed vow of Lucifer-related silence and snaps, "Shut up!" He stares Lucifer down for one very long moment, then sweeps up his autopsy reports and research to flounce out of the library in a huff, leaving Lucifer alone to titter, "He said 'shut up' to me! SQUEEEEE!" And yeah, that was sickeningly cute, but if Lucifer's nothing more than a figment of Darling Sammy's imagination, then what the hell is he doing still talking long after Darling Sammy's exited the goddamned scene, huh? HUH?

Please don't bother yourselves trying to come up with a sensible answer to that question, because I don't actually care.

Cut to Stupid Jeffrey's tastefully-appointed suite at the halfway house. Darling Sammy picks the lock on the door and tippy-toes through the outer room to poke around Stupid Jeffrey's meager belongings with a now-incessantly talkative Lucifer shadowing his every move. "That's what I'm talking about, Sam!" Lucifer sighs, all smitten and such. "Real interaction again! I missed that -- the rapier wit? The wittier rape? Come on!" I'd venture to guess that the seedier corners of LiveJournal blew up with digital reams of badly-written rape porn after Lucifer delivered that line were it not for my suspicion that even the batshit ladies of fan fiction gave up on this dying show months ago. In any event, Sam quickly finds both an empty cell phone scrambler box and a hidden metal case containing a sheaf of obscure demon-summoning spells penned in Miss Nora's distinctive handwriting. For whatever dumb reason, however, Darling Sammy's incapable of figuring out these clues on his own, so we wait until the ever-helpful Lucifer puts it all together for him, after which we bustle on over to...

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