Episode Report Card
Demian: C+ | 5 USERS: A-
The Hardy Boys Realize Hope Floats

"Oh, thank God," Molly sighs once Greeley's vanished. "Call me Dean," comes the reply, and that's a bad, bad line, my friend, especially given the way you've been so contemptuously treating this woman all evening, so we'll be ignoring it entirely in favor of noting that Grisly Greeley seems to have recovered from that last round of rock salt awfully fast, for he now menaces his way back into the frame behind Dean to toss a little mad slasher mojo directly at Dean's cheek. Um. The one on his face. I mean, I didn't quite word that last sentence properly, so you might think I meant Greeley slashed Dean' know what? Let's keep this moving, shall we? "Good idea!" Dean spins around to launch another round of rock salt into Greeley's face, but Greeley quite unexpectedly hurls a bit of telekinetic mojo into Dean's chest, and Dean hurtles backwards through the air to slam into the far wall of the cabin, hard. As he bounces down to the floorboards, he loses his grip on the sawed-off shotgun, which goes skittering away from him, just out of reach.

Meanwhile, Action Sammy's digging up that grave out front like nobody's business. Good thing The Widow Greeley was only able to shovel up about a half-foot's worth of dirt before her strength gave out and she decided that six inches under would be good enough for her beloved, thanks very much. She might as well have just left his decaying ass out in the open.

Back in the cabin, Grisly Greeley telekinetically summons one of his many, many knives into his bloodstained fist and prepares to gut El Deano like a trout.

Sam salts his bones. No, not like that. Ew.

Inside, Grisly Greeley steps forward to perform an entirely unnecessary tracheotomy on El Deano.

Outside, Sam sprinkles gasoline all over his salty bones. No, not like that, either. God, what is wrong with you people? Sam also manages to light a match, and soon his gasoline-sprinkled salty bones are ablaze.

Just in time, too, for Greeley was about to plunge that nasty old knife of his right into Dean's mouth. Though, you know, given the way Dean's always compulsively shoving things into his mouth anyway, he might not have minded. As the flames take hold outside, Greeley first loosens his grip on El Deano's jacket, then releases it entirely as he staggers backwards through the tiny room. Gouts of flame leap up from his feet to consume his entire body, and oh, my GOD, give me a FUCKING break. This is a vanquish, people! This is a vanquish ripped right out of CANCELLED!, for Christ's sake! I might as well continue with "and Grisly Greeley blazes his merry way down to The Waste Land, or wherever the hell it is they're sending demons ever since The Colethazor did away with that stupid Jenny Craig sandworm oh, so many horrendous episodes ago," and left it at that. And sweet Jesus on a stick! They even have the knife fall from his hand at the last minute to embed itself in the floorboards! Should I have been calling that goddamned thing a fucking athame all of this time, too? Huh? HUH? Oh, Supernatural! Why do you have to SUCK like this? And look at that! You made me miss the METAL TEETH CHOMP!, too! I'm really starting to hate this episode. "I've noticed! And I also expect you never to whine about my volume choices again!" Oh, leave me alone, Raoul.

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