Episode Report Card
Drunken Bee: C | 1 USERS: B-
The Hardy Boys and the Mystery of Genetics

Cut over to a blazingly pretty young woman behind the desk in a skin-tight sweater and Chiclet teeth. As Dean walks up, she beams, "Is there anything I can do for you." He recycles his own horny joke, "Oh, god, yes," she grins awkwardly, he confesses to being on the job and flashes a police badge. End scene. WTF? Is she somebody important's daughter, inserted into this episode under duress? There's already such a major lack of narrative material in this episode, it's not like we needed a break from information overload. This scene, like the one with Sam just before it, does nothing to advance the plot of this episode, the larger story arc, or our understanding of any of the characters. My arms and legs are getting tired from treading, people!

Outside the hospital, Sam peruses his notebook when he starts having a vision. Aural feedback honks as we get flashes of items that clearly belong in a nursery, for example, a freaky-ass clown mobile. We flash between this nursery, where a woman in a white nightgown puts an infant into a crib, and Sam holding the bridge of his nose and squinting in pain. We see the woman furrow her brow at something she sees or hears, then we hear a train whistle sound. Cut back to Sam coming out of the vision, muttering "a train" and then pulling out a map of the town. He conveniently finds that the train parallels a residential street for only a short block or two, and then he takes off running. Seriously, what is with this episode? Were there scheduling conflicts with the actors? It is totally random that Sam would just take off on his own to go creep out some lady, rather than, for example, cross-checking the street name he just discovered with the birth certificate records he just jotted down.

Anyhow, Prince Valiant has chosen the "creep out" option. He jogs along toward the house, when he gets another blinding vision. This vision goes over the same material as the last, only this time we see a figure standing in the nursery near the crib. Sam snaps out of it and looks toward a suburban house. Poor Sammy looks pretty ragged. He spots a young woman pushing a stroller down the street and immediately rushes up to her and offers to hold the stroller for her. It's Iowa and all, so she agrees. Sam continues in creep mode, awkwardly blurting out about the baby, "She's gorgeous! Is she yours?" Dude, tone it down! He then realizes what a creep he's being because he lies that he's just moved in up the block. At this, the woman introduces herself as Monica and breaks into a smile, and I like her look. The actress is sort of plain in a chipmunk-cheeks sort of way, but when she engages in a conversation, her features are very appealing. When Sam remarks on how good the baby is, Monica replies that she never cries, just stares at everybody: "I swear it's like she's reading your mind." Sam gets confirmation that the baby is six months old that day. Sam gets real sigh-y and furrow-y and seems like he's about to say something weird: "Monica --" She looks at him quizzically, but then he just tells her to take care, and she rolls off. Her husband pulls in the driveway, gets out, and they kiss. Sam, for his part, starts having another vision, and we snap into it as a narrative, rather than flashing glimpses.A music box plays, and the freaky clown continues to terrorize us. The music stops, and a wind stirs inside. A shadow approaches the baby's crib. Monica walks down the hallway toward the nursery, pushes open the door to see a clearly male, seemingly human, figure standing over the crib. She gasps and says, "What are you --" when she gets pinned to the wall and then dragged upward onto the ceiling. She cries out for her baby as she hangs over her; her stomach gets slashed, blood drips down onto the crib, and then flames engulf the camera. One more member for the Differently-Abled Child Survivors of Mommy Ceiling-Kabob Support Group.

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