Episode Report Card
Demian: B+ | 3 USERS: A-
The Hardy Boys Suffer From "Exhaustion" and "Dehydration"
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Rattle, Rattle THEN! Way back before Thanksgiving, Dashing El Deano decided to respond to a snarling Scientological Hellhound menace by shooting one of them in its invisible head, and The Harvelle Girls had to suffer for it. Stupid Dean. Even earlier than that, Desperate El Deano announced to Darling Sammy and the audience at large that Our Intrepid Heroes are, in fact, insane. Neither Darling Sammy nor the audience at large disputed this claim, so Demented El Deano proceeded to shoot Lucifer in the face with The Fucking Colt That Can Kill Anything Except When It Usually Can't, with results both unsatisfying and deeply, depressingly predictable. Lucifer, of course, responded to this particular transgression by pimp-smacking Deluded El Deano end over stumpy little bow-legged end into a tree, then proceeded to compliment Darling Sammy on the latter's long-suppressed rage issues. And then Lucifer raised Capital-D Death from the depths of Hell to lay waste to Missouri, but nobody cared about that because, you know, Missouri, which pimp-smacks us all end over Death-defying end into the...

...Rattle, Rattle NOW! The camera fades up on an institutional facility the just-appearing title card identifies as the "Glenwood Springs Psychiatric Hospital" in Ketchum, Oklahoma. After allowing us all a moment to examine the stately and fog-enshrouded grounds for any suspicious paranormal activity, the camera hops inside to land upon the confidential patient file for one "Susan Fletcher," who was apparently confined to the asylum after suffering a psychotic episode during which she set fire to the family home, thereby managing to incinerate her hapless seven-year-old son, and yes, I'm positive the character's last name is meant to evoke that of a certain Academy Award-winning actress. Thanks for asking. "You'll pardon me, I'm sure!" shrieks Raoul The Big Gay Supernatural Dragon, wantonly interrupting me at this crucial juncture in tonight's presentation. "But I do not recall asking you anything!" I wasn't talking to you, Raoul. "Really?!" Really. "Well!" Now be a dear and keep that rodent-inhaling maw of yours shut for the next couple of minutes, because I really want to see this pathetic whackjob off herself already. "Oh, my!" Raoul shrieks again, pleasantly surprised by my heedless dropping of spoilers for a change. "Will it be gruesome!?" I'm certain it shall, my scaly friend. "Then, by all means! Do continue!" Thanks. I will.

"The nurses tell me you're not taking your medication," the funny farm's head shrink opens, his tone both subtly condescending and mildly accusatory. "The pills make me sleepy, but I can't--" shame-faced Sue attempts to explain, defensively crossing her arms while twisting her withered lips into a variety of amusing crazypants shapes before whispering, "If I sleep, it'll come!" "You mean the monster," Head Shrink sighs, having apparently heard all of this addle-brained nonsense several hundred times before. "It killed Annie!" the kiddie-incinerating nutbag protests, but alas! Her protestations are all for naught, for the good doctor simply reminds her of the fact that she's kee-raaayzee! and that, therefore, her severely shattered mind will often play tricks on her. As it does now, in fact, when she spots the nonexistent specter of her unfortunately uncrispified rugrat lurking off to the good doctor's right with a hellish smirk on its smug little preadolescent face, and would it have killed this show to have the nonexistent spectral brat materialize with a couple of strategically placed third-degree burns smoldering all over his body? "I think not!" shrieks Raoul, as sorely disappointed with this unfortunate development as yours truly, and Raoul? "Yes?!" Gruesome suicide. "Oh, my, yes! Quieting down now over here, I'm sure!" Excellent.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7Next





Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP