Shut Up, Dr. Phil

Episode Report Card
Demian: D+ | 7 USERS: B+
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A few minutes later, Our Intrepid Heroes arrive at the site of the now-cancelled auction to survey the grisly scene. Because they are smart, they quickly realize that Don must be responsible for the carnage, which means that Don, too, must be a witch, and they head back to the Impala to drive on over to Stately Stark Manor. And as Metallicar grumbles out of the frame, the camera tarries behind long enough to note that Leviathan Chet's been watching them this entire time. DUN! Also: METAL TEETH CHOMP!

Stately Stark Manor. Our Intrepid Heroes stake out the place from a discreet distance, and their patience is presently rewarded when Miss Maggie comes screeching up in her Porsche. She flounces into the Manor's parlor to confront Don, followed immediately by Sam and Dean, the latter of whom Craptinates over a massive bowl of rotting chicken feet while the former dramatically strikes a match to set the hag-eradicating potion on fire, and the bowl obligingly belches out an impressive cloud of badly CGI'd smoke and sparks. Naturally, there's a problem: Miss Maggie remains unvanquished. You see, Dim Dean was meant to chill the chicken feet first, a detail he of course forgot because he stupidly refused to write down the ever-unerring Bobby's instructions. Don rises to join his wife in a recitation of some Craptination of their own, but before they're halfway through their spell, Super-Smart Sammy decides a little marriage counseling is in order, and a bout of touchy-feely self-help relationship-related babbling ensues from both the boys until the witches tire of their incessant nattering and telekinetically hurl them into various items of furniture. "VIOLENCE!"

Sam's strategy does, however, end up having some sort of positive effect, for the witches begin hashing out their marital issues, with Don insisting, "Wendy was nothing to me -- it was over as soon as it started!" "She was part of a pattern, okay?" Maggie peevishly volleys back. "I've had eight hundred years of this!" she continues, darkly adding, "Do not make me bring up the Renaissance!" "Oh, you're one to talk," Don sneers. "Fourteen ninety-two ring any bells?" "That man was about to set sail!" Maggie cries. "He could possibly fall off at the edge of the earth!" "I took pity," she argues. "What's your excuse?" "I told you," Don growls, "nothing happened with the Medici chick!" "You've always been insanely jealous," he snits, leading Maggie to throw Perky Jennie back into his face. Our Intrepid Heroes, who had spent the last several moments writhing about on the carpeting in the throes of spell-inflicted agony, rise to Perky Jennie's defense, in the process getting another round of Maggie's telekinetic fury for their troubles, and none of this is as entertaining as it might sound. Trust me on that one.

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