Shut Up, Dr. Phil

Episode Report Card
Demian: D+ | 7 USERS: B+
See The Funny Little Hardy Boys

...outside, where Dapper Sam is most dismayed to note Charisma Carpenter's unexpected arrival. He hastily tries phoning a warning up to his brother, but for some mysterious reason, all of the local cell circuits are occupied at the moment, so Sam has little choice but to trot on over to chat up the hag before she catches Dean pawing through her things. Mrs. Stark claims she's in the middle of an emergency and blows right past him to enter the house, so Sam, like, bounces up and down on her Porsche for a little while until he activates the car alarm. No, seriously. That actually happened. In any event, Dean recognizes the alarm as a signal to flee and, after a bit of artful dodging through the first floor of Miss Maggie's temporary digs, he emerges into the continuing drizzle to announce that Perky Jennie's next on Miss Maggie's list. The boys crawl into the Impala and grumble off down the street.

Upstairs, Miss Maggie quickly finds her desecrated hex altar, and Charisma Carpenter scowls. Well, she actually widens her eyes a little bit and heaves her famous knockers up and down for a couple of seconds, but I guess that'll have to do.

Somewhere else, Perky Jennie removes a tray of freshly baked cupcakes from her oven, and no, none of that is a euphemism for anything filthy and therefore interesting. Unfortunately.

Back at Miss Maggie's, Charisma Carpenter spikes her own fingertip with a pin and smears the blood around on a replacement photo of Perky Jennie she apparently removed from her ass while Perky Jennie was busy with her cupcakes. Charisma Carpenter then strenuously enunciates her way through a bit of Craptin I'll not be bothering to transcribe.

Meanwhile, Perky Jennie opens wide and sinks her teeth into one of her elaborately iced treats, and Raoul scooches forward on his overstuffed armchair, practically drooling in anticipation of what's to come. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" And fortunately, what follows does not disappoint the dear, dizzy lizard in the least. Perky Jennie draws the cupcake away from her mouth to reveal an ominous spot of blood already staining her lower lip, and as she obliviously chews and chews and chews some more, she feels a sudden warm gush of blood coursing down her forearm. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Stunned, Perky Jennie stops chewing long enough to stare at the half-eaten cupcake in her hand, and wouldn't you know it? There's a mangled and gnawed-on yet still-beating heart in the center of the thing! "GOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" Perky Jennie's shrieks of abject horror would be mightily impressive, I'm sure, were it not for the fact that she chooses this very moment to start gagging on all the blood now welling up in her throat. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" And as she doubles over her sink to hurl crimson streams of grue down the drain, Our Intrepid Heroes burst through Perky Jennie's door to begin a frantic search for the ancient Wallachian death ducat Miss Maggie's certain to have hidden somewhere in the apartment. Fortuitously enough, Dapper Sam almost immediately finds the thing on top of the cupboards and, lacking any better option at the moment, he whips out Dean's trusty pearl-handled automatic to blast the coin full of holes. Perky Jennie immediately stops with the choking, and the three gape and goggle at each other until they fall as one into this evening's first proper METAL TEETH CHOMP!

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