Shut Up, Dr. Phil

Episode Report Card
Demian: D+ | 7 USERS: B+
See The Funny Little Hardy Boys

Chez Perk. Aftermath. Mr. Stark's shell-shocked assistant reclines on her sofa and dazedly realizes, "There were tiny, beating hearts in my cupcakes!" "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Jennie briefly becomes hysterical, and Dean tiredly wonders if this means he's got to slap her around some. Sam sagely counsels patience, and Jennie eventually calms down enough for Our Intrepid Heroes to conduct a proper interview. Long story short, Jennie vehemently denies having had an affair with her boss, and Sam and Dean urge her to flee town until things blow over with Miss Maggie.

Prosperity Civic Center. Or whatever the hell this damn building is. Maggie's busily attending to some last-minute preparations for the art auction she's holding that evening to benefit her own charity organization, and you should consider "art" to be an extremely loose definition of what we're seeing on the walls of the place at the moment. Maggie's assisted in her various tasks by her self-defined best friend, "Sue," and through their brief interaction in this scene, it becomes obvious that Sweet Sue's got a massive lesbian girlcrush on Charisma Carpenter. Sadly, Sue's massive lesbian girlcrush -- which might have added a dash of zest to this evening's otherwise dull proceedings -- is more than a little gross and off-putting, due entirely to the fact that these women are in their forties, and Sweet Sue's acting like some mouth-breathing teenaged dumbass. In any event, it was Sue who told Maggie of Don's affair with Wendy, and as none of these people are named "Sam" or "Dean" or "My Sweet Baboo," I couldn't care less about this subplot if I tried. "[Yaaaaaaaaaaaaawn!]" Feel better, Raoul? "Not really!" That's a shame. "It is indeed!" Shall I rush to the end of this, then? "Please do!" As you wish.

So, long story short, Don shows up to argue with Maggie and -- just as the promos promised, of course -- it turns out he's a massive hag, too. The Starks bicker about their Issues, and as I don't give a rat's ass about such conversations when they're occurring between this show's leads, you can imagine how riveting I find the Starks' banter in this scene. And when it's over, James Marsters orders Charisma Carpenter to knock it off with the witchcraft and the killing and the Craptin already, or else.

Outside, James Marsters grimly eyes the dead vegetation surrounding his hideous bust for a moment before trudging off to his car. Just then, his hideous bust becomes fully aware of exactly how vile and disgusting it truly is and self-destructs in a fit of suitably apt self-loathing and shame. Or maybe Charisma Carpenter chanted some Craptin that blew it up. Your choice. Our Intrepid Heroes pull into the town square just in time to witness the wretched bust's entirely justified demise and, after they crack wise with a few quippy remarks, Dean answers his just-ringing cell to find Bobby on the other end. Naturally, the hairball's come up with an appropriate hag-eradicating potion for them, and as he begins listing the ingredients, Dean insists he'll be able to remember the whole thing without writing it down, so we know Dean's going to fuck everything up in the most spectacular manner imaginable, and are we done here? "We are!" Excellent.

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