Shut Up, Dr. Phil

Episode Report Card
Demian: D+ | 7 USERS: B+
See The Funny Little Hardy Boys

That evening, Charisma Carpenter rehearses her opening remarks for the soon-to-commence charity auction while Sweet Sue kvells lesbionically from the sidelines, and...that's it? That's the whole scene? God, this show sucks.

Meanwhile, back at This Week's Other Motel Room, Dean's about to tuck into an entire banana cream pie when Sam enters from elsewhere to dump a bag of raw chicken feet on the motel room table, in the process putting poor Dean right off his snack. The chicken feet are, of course, an integral ingredient in the hag-eradicating potion provided earlier by the ever-reliable Bobby and, after a bit of unfunny business related to the poultry by-products' stench, we head back over to...

...Charisma Carpenter's charity auction, where the first guests are just now beginning to arrive. Also arriving is James Marsters, who pulls up outside the front doors to glare. DUN!

Inside, Miss Maggie hands Sweet Sue a tasty-looking martini, and the two clink glasses to toast the auction's success. And when that's over and done with, Sweet Sue fishes out her cocktail spear to gnaw on one of the olives, only to discover that olive's magically transformed itself into a bloody human eyeball, complete with its wiggly optic nerve still attached. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Sweet Sue's screams of abject horror pour forth into the Indiana evening, much to the delight of James Marsters, who can hear them all the way out at his car. "That is disgusting!" Sweet Sue gags once the screaming is done. "It's also a dreadful waste of alcohol!" Raoul shriekingly observes, and you're not wrong, my scaly friend, but I'm afraid I must ask you to hold that forked tongue of yours for a moment, because we're about to hit a part I'm certain you'll adore. "Okay!" Excellent.

Naturally, Miss Maggie immediately understands that Don's behind Sweet Sue's surprise garnish, and her levels of anger and irritation ramp up appropriately when Don next casts a spell that melts each and every painting right there in its frame -- a moderately nice effect that's completely ruined by Charisma Carpenter's dreadful line deliveries during this sequence. Was she always this bad, and did I just never notice it before? Or has this episode's dreary script simply brought out the worst in her? "Demian!" Yes, Raoul? "Get to the good part!" Ah, okay. So, Charisma Carpenter sucks all of the air out of this scene with her shitty, shitty so-called "acting," and as Sweet Sue attempts to console her -- lesbionically, of course -- a gleaming hors d'oeuvres tray floats into the air, seemingly of its own accord, and spins across the room to slice straight through Sweet Sue's neck. "GOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" I told you you'd like that bit. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Sweet Sue's decapitated head teeters backwards on its neck stump for a bit before clunking on down to the floor, followed shortly by the rest of Sweet Sue's body. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Charisma Carpenter grinds her teeth in aggravation while outside, James Marsters smirks to himself and motors off.

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