Episode Report Card
Demian: C- | 2 USERS: B-
The Hardy Boys Are Not The Droids You're Looking For
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Crackle, crackle THEN! Alas, no mullet rock during the previously sequence this evening, as they've chosen to spend their music budget in other extraordinarily awesome places during the episode itself. So, long story short: Sam has these nightmares, and sometimes they come true. Example? When he dreamt of Jessica's spectacular immolation for weeks, but neglected to mention anything about it to her. Ooops. Sam eventually realizes that the closer he gets to anything involving The Ceiling Demon, the stronger his second sight becomes, especially if he finds himself in proximity to other twentysomethings whose mothers found themselves nailed to the nursery ceiling with foot-wide gashes through their torsos right before they went nuclear exactly six months after their children had been born. More recently, both Shut Up Daddy and Dean LIED to Sam about The Ceiling Demon's intentions, because Shut Up Daddy and Dean are LYING LIARS WHO LIE. Got all that? Moving on, then.

Crackle, crackle NOW! In a small but scenic town somewhere to be determined at a later point during tonight's festivities, the camera floats past a clock that reads 12:20 in the afternoon before easing towards the ground to focus on a middle-aged gentleman a passing postman amicably addresses as "Doc." When Doc's cell phone rings, he pauses in his stroll near the base of the clock to dig it out of his pants pocket and answer, "Yello!" We can't hear the person on the other end, but Doc apparently confirms his identity just as the strings scream northwards on the soundtrack and the camera pulls in for a shuddery close-up on his face just as his smile dies. Uh oh. There's a brief black-and-white flash of Doc hoisting a shotgun before we cut back to him rather vacantly agreeing, "All right." We get another flash of Doc pumping a couple of rounds into the weapon's chamber. Back on the sidewalk, Doc looks a little dazed as the camera follows his eyes to track a bus marked "Blue Ridge" as it roars past on the street. Once the bus has vanished, Doc seems to snap out of his temporary fugue state and happily resumes his stroll as if nothing had happened. He makes a turn and heads up a flight of steps, smiling greetings at passersby.

"Afternoon, Dennis!" Doc greets the proprietor of what seems to be a combination hardware store and gun shop, which is bizarre, likely because I've been living in Chicago for so long, the idea of dropping by the True Value for some light bulbs and a 12-gauge pump-action is just way too weird for me to process. In any event, Doc would like to look at a gun, please. Dennis eyes Doc as if the latter gentleman had just sprouted a second head, so I'm getting the feeling the good doctor is not known for his hunting prowess. Be that as it may, the Doc persists. He'd like to look at a gun. That one on the far left, in fact, which happens to be "a turkey hunter" "that don't leave enough turkey behind" for Dennis's taste. Dennis has unlocked the shotgun by this point and hands it over to Doc who, as if to make small talk, wonders what sort of shells the thing takes. Dennis sets the appropriate box on the counter from the shelf beneath and offers, "I'm taking the boys up to the cabin this weekend if you think you might want to take up the sport." Doc -- who'd pawed through the box to retrieve two shells, much to Dennis's quickly suppressed befuddlement -- chuckles, "Thanks, but no. You know guns make me nervous." And with that, he rather expertly loads the shells into the shotgun. DUN! Dennis starts stammering and shouting about the illegality of loaded firearms in a gun store, or something that actually makes sense, as Doc offers him a soothingly repeated, "It's okay, Dennis!" The store's ethnically diverse patrons silently freak as Doc swings the rifle around to point it directly at Dennis's chest. "It's all going to be okay," Doc finishes, right before he pulls the trigger. Dennis takes the full round in his chest, the impact hurling him backwards against the office door where he shatters the door's upper glass pane. As Dennis's rapidly cooling corpse slumps to the floor, the silently freaking patrons erupts into screams of terror and back away from Doc, who all the time continues to assure everybody, "It's all going to be okay!" He presses the muzzle of the gun against the underside of his chin, and the camera discreetly pans upwards to a porcelain sink hanging on the wall above until -- wait for it -- SPLAT! "Yessss!" enthuses Raoul, The Big Gay Supernatural Dragon, as he pumps his claw into the air. Raoul just loves his gore. Unfortunately, Raoul's glee is to be short-lived, for that wasn't real gore at all, as we realize when the camera goes shuddery and snaps over onto...

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