Episode Report Card
Drunken Bee: B- | 2 USERS: A+
The Hardy Boys Need To Exfoliate More

In St. Louis, Missouri, we all know, they love two things: Iron Butterfly and knife torture. Holla, Midwest! A blonde girl is tied to a chair, gagged, bloody, and whimpering while a figure brandishes a knife at her and "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" blares. Meanwhile, outside, a SWAT team of some sort breaks into the house and makes its way stealthily through the hallways. There are bloody handprints on the walls so we learn that something pretty gruesome has gone down in here. The other thing we learn is that "In-a-gadda-da-vida, honey, don't you know that I love you?" This is quite useful information. Cutting between the whimpering girl and the SWAT team's swat entrance, which comes complete with laser pointers sweeping across various surfaces. As the SWATs do a series of policeman's kick-ball-changes into one room, we see a figure whoosh by behind them down the hall. More shots of bloody bookcases and of the whimpering girl, as the SWATs bust in and find her. She gestures wildly and grunts that the culprit is over there somewhere, while the SWATs whisper to her through their gas masks. I find their gas mask dialogue really hot for some reason. They run to the next room and find a figure about the jump out the window. The SWATs muffle-yell through their gas masks some more, instructing the figure to turn around slowly. Which he does. And which allows us to get a super-slow pan in on the bloodied face of...Jensen Ackles! Wha? Wha happened?

One week earlier, the boys were busy pulling into an old-timey fillin' station accompanied by truly horrendous jam keyboards. Dean turns the car off and says that he thinks they can get to "Tucumcari" by lunch and then "Bisbee" by midnight. WTF? Weren't they just in Toledo? Why are they going to, for all intents and purposes, Mexico? (Spring break woo-hoo!) Sam is silent in response to Dean's estimations. So Dean follows up with "Sam wears women's underwear," which gets a rise out of Sam, who wants Dean to know that he, in fact, only wears IPEX. Sam's checking his email on his Treo. He clicks on one from "Rebecca Warren."

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