Slash Fiction

Episode Report Card
Demian: A- | 8 USERS: A+
The Hardy Boys Sound Like Sensible Fucking Men

Lunatic Jackass Estates. Immediate aftermath. Various amusing pleasantries are exchanged -- amusing and deeply, deeply paranoid pleasantries, at least as far as Frank's concerned -- and I'd detail the three-minute-long scene that follows, I'm sure, were it not for the fact that none of it -- none of it -- actually has any bearing on what follows in this episode, so long story short, Frank Devereaux specializes in constructing new identities for the gentleman on the run, and after he brusquely confiscates Our Intrepid Idiots' existing IDs and laptops, he sets to wiping all trace of their known aliases from the record. By the way, the actor who's quite entertainingly portraying Devereaux this evening boasts a lengthy list of credits in a huge number of critically acclaimed movies and TV shows stretching all the way from 1976's I, Claudius to this week's Downton Abbey, so I think it's safe to say he's slumming. "Atta girl!" Oh, be quiet, Raoul. "Hee!"

Meanwhile, back at the ridiculously rustic homestead, Bobby shoots Leviathan Chet in the chest. "VIOLENCE!" Leviathan Chet goes, "Woo!" for a bit before chanting, "Do it again! Do it again!" Bobby pointedly ignores Leviathan Chet's lusty exhortations and instead disgustedly slings his sawed-off shotgun back onto his Table Of Torment. Leviathan Chet pouts, "So, you're gonna touch me in the morning, then just walk away?" "Oh, Diane!" shrieks Raoul, getting all misty-eyed and verklempt and such, and would you like me to pause so you can take a moment, my scaly friend? "Yes, please! [Sigh!] Okay, it passed!" Excellent. "Thanks!" Don't mention it. Now, where the hell were we? Oh, yes: Bobby and Leviathan Chet sneer and taunt at each other for a very long period of time until Bobby decides he's had enough of it all, and he lops off Leviathan Chet's head with a machete. "GOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" "Hot damn!" a shocked Bobby marvels in spite of himself. "Well, that's somethin'!" Something indeed, Bobby, if Raoul's present ecstasy of giddily delighted writhing is anything to go by. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" And as the dear, dizzy lizard whips himself into a joyous frenzy over there atop his overstuffed armchair, we zip back to...

...Lunatic Jackass Estates, where Frank Devereaux flips a couple of counterfeit passports at Our Intrepid Idiots before handing Sam a map of the United States, upon which Frank has circled all of the towns the boys' Leviathanically enhanced doppelgangers have hit thus far. "What's the pattern?" Sam wonders, noting, "It seems random. "Little tip from a pro," Frank counsels. "There is no such thing as a 'random' series of robbery-murders by your evil twins!" Frank then -- heresy of heresies! -- suggests they "have the common sense to ditch" the Impala. Dean's all, "I beg your pardon?" so Frank's forced to duuuuuuh, "Your Doublemints? They're using a car just like the one outside." Sam gets visibly tense in anticipation of his brother's outraged reaction to this piece of most unwelcome news, but Dean just looks like he's about to cry. Aw.

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