Slash Fiction

Episode Report Card
Demian: A- | 8 USERS: A+
The Hardy Boys Sound Like Sensible Fucking Men

Ridiculously Rustic Homestead. Up in the kitchen, we find Bobby unloading a bag of supplies at the counter just as someone comes a-knocking at the door. Bobby immediately hoists a revolver into the air and cocks the thing as he trepidatiously tip-toes over to answer, but he needn't have bothered, because it's only Sheriff Jody, there to thank him for rescuing her drugged-up ass from Sioux Falls General a month ago. Just go with it. "How the hell you find me?" Bobby asks. "I'm a cop," Sheriff Jody replies. Just go with it. "You gonna invite me in?" she wonders, presenting him with a thoughtful housewarming gift consisting of beer and nothing else. "Got one of the big-mouths downstairs," he warns. "So, I won't go downstairs," she airily replies, entering to give the place a once-over with her eyes before settling in to thank him properly for the rescue, and a bit of mild flirtation ensues even though he's old enough to be her goddamned father, for Christ's sake, and after she insists upon cooking him something for dinner, Bobby heads back down to the...

...basement, where Leviathan Chet's just now magically reattaching his head to his stump of a neck. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" "Didja think it'd be that easy?" Leviathan Chet scoffs the instant he's regained his voice. "No," Bobby allows, "but it's a start." And then he lops Leviathan Chet's head off with the machete again. "GOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" Your joy pleases me to no end, Raoul. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Meanwhile, back on the road, Deeply Depressed El Deano tools down a deserted stretch of rain-streaked nowhere in a crapped-out Chevy hatchback while Studious Sam examines the map that slumming lunatic jackass gave them a couple of scenes ago. Dangling from the crapped-out hatchback's rear-view mirror is an aggravating and squeaky My Little Pony that Dean has little choice but to hack off and fling into the backseat. "You okay?" Sam delicately inquires. "It's bad enough that they're ganking people, wearing our mugs," Dean righteously seethes by way of reply, "but this? Have us driving around in this...this caboodle while Baby's on lockdown?" "It's temporary," Sam reminds him, but Dean is having none of it, and he angrily insists, "Nobody puts Baby in a corner!" "You know that's a line from..." Sam begins. "Swayze movie!" Dean snarls, adding, "Swayze always gets a pass!" Not for Road House, he doesn't. Or To Wong Foo, now that I think about it. "Feh!" shrieks Raoul, whose memory of that particular film is as miserable as mine, but let's not dwell on such unpleasantness and instead follow along as Darling Sammy suggests a tune or two might lighten Dean's mood. "Good idea!" Sam switches on the radio, and the soothing strains of Air Supply's "All Out Of Love" immediately fill the car. Mortified, Sam instantly offers to find another station, but Dean too-casually tells Sam he might as well leave it alone, as it's "probably gonna be the only thing on." Sam grimaces and shrugs his remarkably healthy shoulders around, all, "Really?" before returning his attention to his map. For his part, Dean waits until Sam's thoroughly engrossed in the byways surrounding Stockton, California, before giving in to his filthy and shameful urges and lip-synching along with the song's chorus. Soulfully. And it's the funniest goddamn thing I've seen on this show in years. It's also strangely exciting at the same time, but fortunately, just before I start drooling like some batshit fangirl, Sam becomes aware of the utter awesomeness that's transpiring in the seat beside him and, in a fit of extreme discomfort, he snaps off the radio. Bastard. You'll forgive me, I'm sure, if I take a moment to replay that brilliance over and over and over again until I've committed every last tiny gesture of Dean's to memory, yes? "Yes!" Excellent.

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