Slash Fiction

Episode Report Card
Demian: A- | 8 USERS: A+
The Hardy Boys Sound Like Sensible Fucking Men

Oh, yes: According to LeviaBobby, Actual Bobby is "ten pounds of sad in a five-pound bag." Actual Bobby would unleash a witty rejoinder at this juncture, I'm sure, but unfortunately, we have no time to wait for his response, for the camera is already lugging us over to...

Ankeny's main drag, where both sets of Sams and Deans are arriving at the same time. Actual Sam 'N' Dean -- who have made absolutely no effort to disguise their appearance, by the way, because they are morons -- are on foot, while their Leviathanically enhanced doppelgangers motor on up in their version of the Impala. Grumbling and bitchery ensue from Our Authentic Idiots until every last cop in Polk County, Iowa, materializes from out of nowhere to swarm around Our Authentic Idiots, much to those idiots' audible dismay. And as the Polk County sheriff slaps cuffs on the hapless duo, LeviaDean blows them both a saucy kiss from the fake Impala's front seat. Actual Dean takes a moment to vomit all over his arresting officer, and then it's back to the...

...Ridiculously Rustic Basement, where Patty and Cathy are still sniping away at each other. It's actually a pretty enjoyable exchange, considering how often we've seen similar scenes already on this show, but we really don't learn anything new -- aside, of course, from the fact that Actual Bobby is also a fan of Robert Browning -- so let's cut to the chase: As Actual Bobby threatens LeviaBobby with that machete again, something drips through the floorboards above to land on LeviaBobby's arm, where it proceeds to eat a gaping black hole right through LeviaBobby's skin! "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" "Get it off me!" LeviaBobby roars as more of the stuff drips down to chew through his face. "Get it off me!" Actual Bobby races upstairs, where he finds Sheriff Jody mopping up an accidental cleaning spill with a dishrag. He immediately plants a sloppy wet one on her shocked and appalled lips, then pulls away to demand, "What the hell was in that bucket?" Sheriff Jody gawps.

Polk County Sheriff's Department. At the elderly sheriff's orders, a handful of deputies frog-march Our Authentic Idiots into different rooms.

Meanwhile, the LeviaTwins lurk outside in the false Impala, waiting until just the right moment to ambush a couple of unsuspecting deputies as they get off shift. DUN!

Back indoors, one of the brand-new LeviaDeputies strolls on up to an unsuspecting colleague and unleashes a barrage of crappy CGI at the audience in general before disappearing into this evening's next METAL TEETH CHOMP!

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