Survival Of The Fittest

Episode Report Card
Demian: C- | 11 USERS: B
They Should Have Cancelled The Hardy Boys Years Ago

...Seattle, where Leviathan Sue's just now returning from the freezer with The Arm, the latter of which of course represents the final earthly remains of the real Richard Roman. The Leviathanically-Enhanced Richard Roman compliments The Armsicle on its impeccable taste in high-end timekeeping accessories, or whatever, and then it's off to...

...that anonymous conference room and those boring teenagers, and DIE. SOMEBODY DIE ALREADY, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE. Alas, both of the boring teenagers continue to plague the earth with their very existence, and then the Leviathanically-enhanced handler enters with a new dress for the listless, fructose-poisoned blonde, who obediently begins stripping down to change while sniveling, snot-nosed Kevin surreptitiously swipes one of her barrettes.

Down on the lawn, Richard Roman and Leviathan Sue greet a fleet of their just-arriving colleagues.

Back in the anonymous conference room, Little Listless Blondie's already finished changing and, after the Leviathanically-enhanced handler whisks her tedious ass elsewhere, Sniveling Snot-Nosed Kevin begins picking the door's lock with his stolen barrette.

Moments later, Sniveling Snot-Nosed Kevin's managed to free himself, and he now eavesdrops on the thoroughly tiresome presentation Richard Roman delivers for the benefit of his freshly-arrived colleagues. It's all about how The Leviathans intend to divide the United States into zones, with the monstrously obese southern states providing a majority of The Leviathans' initial "livestock" and whatnot, and I find myself thinking I might actually have given a shit about all of this had it been introduced a hell of a lot earlier in the season. Oh, who am I trying to kid? I never would have given a shit about any of this, ever, but still: Why are they introducing the details of The Leviathans' nefarious plot now, less than a half an hour before Our Intrepid Heroes rush in and slaughter them all? Oh, sorry -- is that a spoiler, or did everyone already know Our Intrepid Heroes were going to rush in and slaughter them all long before this episode reached its conclusion? Yeah, thought so.

In any event, Sniveling Snot-Nosed Kevin quickly decides he's heard enough, and he tiptoes over to a nearby door prominently labeled "EXIT." Unfortunately, Leviathan Sue rounds the corner at the last possible instant, so it's back to that anonymous conference room for the boring teenager nobody cares about. "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" Once again, your uncanny ability to pepper the proceedings with precisely the correct sentiment leaves me breathless, friend of friends. "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" You're welcome.

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