Episode Report Card
Demian: C- | 23 USERS: A-
It's Better For the Hardy Boys to Burn Out Than Fade Away

Don't look at me like that. He totally set himself up for that one.

Meanwhile, Metallicar tears through the night. "What are you gonna do now?" Dean asks of Castiel, who's riding shotgun in Sam's presumedly permanent absence. "Return to Heaven, I suppose," Castiel replies, looking thoughtful. You see, with Michael consigned to The Pit with Lucifer, it's sure to be chaos Up There, and Castiel figures he could do worse than to lay down the law for his snot-nosed and eternally feuding brethren. Dean's unimpressed -- go figure -- and makes some empty threats against God's life, or some such nonsense, so My Wise Baboo's forced to remind the ranty little bow-legged midget that he actually got what he asked for in the first place: "No Paradise, no Hell, just more of the same." This shuts Dean up -- as well it should -- and Castiel closes their conversation with a question. "What would you rather have?" he asks. "Peace? Or freedom?" Dean either hasn't an answer to that at all or hasn't an answer he's willing to admit to, and by the time he's concocted some witty retort, Castiel's fluttered away. "You really suck at goodbyes," he mutters to himself, and I'll do him a favor and leave that one alone.

Chuck's narration kicks back in as the scene abruptly cuts over to Bobby's Emporium, where we watch as Dean and Bobby take their leave of each other. "This is the last Dean and Bobby will see of each other for a very long time," The Prophet tells us, "and for the record, at this point next week, Bobby will be hunting a rougarou outside of Dayton, but not Dean." You see, "every part of [Dean] -- every fiber he's got -- wants to die, or find a way to bring Sam back." Chuck assures us, however, that Dean will do neither "because he made a promise." Dean had been driving alone through the night during all that, and he now knocks on Bendy Lisa's door down in Cicero, Indiana. She answers, they chat, and he invites himself inside for that beer she initially offered to him about a month ago. Bendy Lisa happily agrees to his request because, well, just look at him, for Christ's sake, but also because the script says she must. And as they settle themselves into some bizarre approximation of domestic bliss, Chuck concludes his narration like so: "So, what's it all add up to? It's hard to say, but me? I'd say this was a test -- for Sam and Dean. And I think they did all right." Yet another montage kicks in, and you are seriously whacked out on Lohan-grade methamphetamines if you think I'm going to lead you through it frame by frame at this late point in the evening, but it does include a shot from the end of the pilot where Sam rages while Jessica burns, and there's a shot from the second-season finale of The Ceiling Demon menacing Damaged El Deano with The Fucking Colt That Can Kill Anything Except When It Usually Can't, and there's Famous Original Meg, and Zachariah, and a shot from the episode in which we first met Poor Dead Gay Stoner Andy, and that's all you're going to get from me tonight. And while all of that and more scrolls by, The Prophet never misses a beat with "Up against Good, Evil, Angels, Devils, Destiny, and God Himself, they made their own choice, and they chose Family. And, well, isn't that kind of the whole point?" Chuck types "THE END" into his computer, drains the last of his rotgut whiskey, and finishes, "No doubt endings are hard, but then again, nothing ever really ends, does it?" Not when you've been renewed for a sixth season that no one actually needed, I suppose. And with that, Chuck smiles to himself and...gets assumed body and soul into heavenly glory? What the hell? When did Chuck turn into the goddamned Virgin Mary? "It does seem just a tad sacrilegious, if you ask me!" No fucking shit, Raoul. "Demian! Language!" Oh, fuck it. "[Titter!]" Hey, how about slinging me a frosty flagon while I take care of the final scene? "It would be both a privilege and an honor!" Don't lie to me, you dizzy lizard. "Hee!"

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