Episode Report Card
Demian: C- | 22 USERS: A-
It's Better For the Hardy Boys to Burn Out Than Fade Away

...Nonexistent NOW! Yep, the NOW! once again got the season finale off because they've chosen instead to open the episode proper with some mid-century documentary footage of an auto assembly line set to the tune of a mournful-sounding oboe. And as we watch a pair of no doubt long-dead machinists wrestle an engine block into its frame, The Prophet Chuck narrates, "On April 21st, 1967, the hundred-millionth GM vehicle rolled off the line at the plant in Janesville -- a blue, two-door Caprice." "There was a big ceremony," Chuck's voiceover continues as we get shots of the celebration. "Speeches -- the lieutenant governor even showed up." Jack Olson climbs behind the Caprice's wheel and drives it out of the plant right before the shot cuts over to an interior of The Prophet's ramshackle hovel, where we find Chuck seated in his tatty striped bathrobe at the kitchen table, tapping away on his keyboard with a hefty glass of whiskey off to one side. "Three days later," Chuck types, "another car rolled off that same line. No one gave two craps about her..." And here he pauses for a moment before continuing aloud, "...but they should have." "Because this 1967 Chevrolet Impala would turn out to be the most important car -- no, the most important object in pretty much the whole universe." There's a glamour shot of Metallicar's grille at this point, and I...I think I have something in my eye. Mainly because the Impala's the only character on this godforsaken show to have maintained its integrity over the last five seasons. "[Sob!]" wails Raoul The Big Gay Supernatural Dragon. "It's true!" There, there, my scaly friend -- have a Kleenex. "Thanks! [HONK!]"

Now, where were we? Oh, yes: We get another glamour shot of the beloved Impala, this one a slow pan up past the headlights over the hood until we can see it's actually in a dealer's showroom with "$3999.00" soaped across its windshield. Which, you know, is about a thousand bucks above the factory price 44 years ago for a four-door hardtop with a V-8 engine, but I think we can all agree that Metallicar was worth the extra money. "Indeed!" "She was first owned by Sal Moriarity," Chuck tells us as the visual shifts to a home movie of some bullet-headed company man with horn-rimmed glasses and a skinny tie giving us the OK sign as he takes the Impala's keys from the plaid-jacketed dealer. Sal Moriarity was "an alcoholic with two ex-wives and three blocked arteries," and "on weekends, he'd drive around giving Bibles to the poor," "getting folks right for Judgment Day," as Sal himself liked to say. We see Sal with a pile of Gideons next to him on the Impala's front seat, driving through the dark with an angel hanging from the rear-view mirror, and in a sign of just how much this sequence has managed to mess with my head, I'm finding these little details wistful and charming, rather than anvilicious and contrived. "[Sniffle!] Me, too! [HONK!]" In any event, Chuck takes care to note, "Sam and Dean don't know any of this, but if they did, I bet they'd smile." I bet they'd do anything but, but who the hell am I to dispute The Prophet, right?

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