Episode Report Card
Demian: C- | 22 USERS: A-
It's Better For the Hardy Boys to Burn Out Than Fade Away

Oh, fine -- there's more to Our Intrepid Heroes' late-night confessional in the Impala, but I'll try to keep it brief. Basically, Sam understands that if their ignorant, brickheaded, harebrained, witless, asinine and illogical plan succeeds, he'll be stuck in Satan's divinely wrought cage for all eternity. Because of this, he exacts the following promise from his brother: Dean is never to attempt to free Sam from that cage, nor is Dean to continue hunting once their current adventure is over. For lack of other, better options, Dean is instead to flee into Bendy Lisa's loving embrace to "live some normal, apple-pie life." Will Dean promise Sam that? Dean remains silent.

Detroit. Bobby peers through his binoculars at the third-story window of an apartment house apparently dead in the center of that mysterious 20-degree temperature drop, then heads back into the alley to report to the others that there are at least two dozen demonically enhanced extras guarding the building. Dean mutters something dark and threatening and bow-leggedly clompy-stomps back to the Impala's trunk to fetch Sam's CRACK!, thereby conveniently leaving Sam alone with Bobby and Castiel so The Ginormomope might offer his tender farewells to the others, and I'm certain what follows would constitute A Series Of Very Touching Moments Indeed were it not for the fact that we've been aware of this show's sixth-season renewal for the last three months, so we know this idiot is going to be seeing these morons again in the very near future, and I therefore do not give a crap, and I was told there would be no chick-flick moments, and WHATEVER, and first up is Bobby, who offers Sam a gruff, "See ya around, kid!" before pulling Sam into a hug. Yawn. Next up is My Sweet Baboo, who at least has the good grace to make his goodbye entertaining. "Take care of these guys, okay?" Sam instructs, offering Castiel his hand to shake. My Despairing Baboo creases his brow and sighs with great compassion, "That's not possible." Sam lightly rolls his eyes at that and asks, "Humor me?" "Oh, I'm supposed to lie!" Castiel realizes. "Sure! They'll be fine!" Hee. And with all that taken care of, Sam heads back to the Impala's trunk to guzzle down three times his body weight in CRACK!

Several hours later, Cracky The Crackheaded Crack-Crack slams Metallicar's trunk all, "Let's CRACK!" so he and Dean crack crack crack the cracky-crack. "CRACK!" Cracky The Crackheaded Crack-Crack cracks once he and Dean have reached the apartment building. Instantly, two of Lucifer's henchdemons appear at the door to escort Our Intrepid Hero and his fifteen-foot-tall crackhead of a crack upstairs, where they find Satan himself calmly waiting for them in the parlor of the top-floor apartment. "Hey, guys!" Lucifer languidly offers by way of hello once Cracky and Dean have been hauled across the room's threshold. "So nice of you to drop in!" Everyone involved then proceeds to gape and mouth-breathe at each other for approximately three and a half hours until the METAL TEETH CHOMP! finally rises from below to yank these knuckledraggers into this evening's first commercial break.

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