Episode Report Card
Demian: C- | 22 USERS: A-
It's Better For the Hardy Boys to Burn Out Than Fade Away

Ode On A Janesville Impala, Part The Second: One of this show's traditional ridiculously scenic Metallicar-In-Nature still lifes appears as The Prophet Chuck picks up his "Swan Song" Prologue narration with, "The Impala, of course, has all the things other cars have, and a few things they don't." By this point, one of Our Intrepid Heroes has raised the false floor in Metallicar's bottomless trunk so we might all admire the impressive weapons cache (complete with dreamcatcher!) once more before Chuck insists, "But none of that stuff's important -- this is the stuff that's important." A jittery, hand-held home movie of Wee Sam appears as Chuck specifies, "The army man that Sam crammed in the ashtray." The shot shifts to a jittery, hand-held home movie of Wee Dean as Chuck continues, "The Legos that Dean shoved into the vents? To this day, heat comes on, they can hear them rattle." "These are the things that make the car theirs," Chuck tells us as we watch the Wee Winchesters carve their initials onto one of the Impala's interior surfaces, right before the flashback leaps forward to the awesome t-boning from the first season's finale. God, that ending kicked ass. "Even when Dean rebuilt her from the ground up," Chuck claims, "he made sure all these little things stayed, 'cause it's the blemishes that make her beautiful." Even more beautiful? Dashing El Deano working on the Impala at the beginning of "Everybody Hates Stupid Children," a snippet of which appears on the screen before cutting back to the present, where Lucifer's fogging up one of the apartment's windows with his breath. "The Devil doesn't know or care what kind of car the boys drive," Chuck finishes for now, the implication of course being that this foolish and thoughtless oversight on Lucifer's part will ultimately result in his spectacular and spectacularly violent downfall, likely beneath the Impala's almighty wheels. Pity, then, that what actually happens to him is so boring. "Demian! Spoilers!" Oh, hush up, you, and have another gulp from your flagon already. "Okay! [Slurp!]"

In any event, and as I noted earlier, Lucifer's fogging up one of the apartment's windows with his breath, and because The Foul Fiend tends towards the infernally frigid, the condensation immediately freezes over. And as he idly traces a pitchfork into the frost, Satan babbles on and on about...something I totally don't care about, because the only reason we're here is so Cracky The Crackheaded Crack-Crack can kick-start his awful, evil, abominably stupid plan to end The Apocalypse, so let's skip the terminally dull speechifying that follows to get to the goddamned point already, shall we? "Yes, let's! [Slurp!]" Excellent, my scaly friend. Lucifer of course already knows about Cracky's awful, evil, abominably stupid plan to end The Apocalypse, and taunts at Our Intrepid Dimwits' fatally fatuous strategery for a bit until Cracky finally shouts, "CRACK!" Which, you know, roughly translates as, "We have no other choice, Dean! I'm saying yes to Satan now!" Immediately, Lucifer's horrible white light floods the room, searing the boys' images from the screen while Bobby and Castiel, vaguely horrified, stare up at the fantastic light show from the street below. Dean shields his eyes from the glare until, at long last, it fades, and the moment he's regained his sight, he darts his frantic, panicked eyes about the room to find Sam unconscious on the floor amid the remains of what once had been Lucifer and his henchdemons.

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