Episode Report Card
Demian: D | 5 USERS: A
The Hardy Boys Waste An Hour Of Our Lives

In any event, Our Intrepid Idiots plus Crowley and Whatever Is Currently Occupying Brady's Dead Body manage to escape while the two invisible dogs snarl and bite at each other for twenty-seven minutes and fifty-one seconds, and when next we rejoin everyone, Whatever Is Currently Occupying Brady's Dead Body has already passed along Pestilence's current coordinates. Satisfied, Crowley vanishes into the night, leaving Sam and Dean alone in a dark alleyway with Whatever Is Currently Occupying Brady's Dead Body, who proceeds to taunt at an oddly hatchet-faced Sam until that oddly hatchet-faced Sam kills Whatever Is Currently Occupying Brady's Dead Body dead. This development perturbs Bandy-Legged El Deano for reasons I will never trouble myself to fathom, and we enter this evening's final commercial break wondering which nitwit on staff came up with this crapfest, Kripke.

Somewhere deep within the lush coastal rainforests of southeastern South Dakota, Speed Racer sits at his pile of Very Important Research, chatting with the never-heard Rufus via his cordless. Bobby's spotted some pretty nasty omens popping up here and there over the last couple of days, but as none of them have indicated "Death with a capital 'D,'" he decided to keep mum about them until Rufus called to check in. And, after telling Rufus to "watch [his] ass out there," he hangs up to find...Crossroads Boss Crowley lurking in his kitchen! DUN! "[Slurp!] Is that charming little British gentleman going to slaughter the hairball in the wheelchair?!" My guess would be no, Raoul. "Then fie, I say! FIE! [Slurp!]" Oh, stop being so dramatic -- we've only got three minutes left, and I bet I can recap them in a couple of sentences. "If those sentences do not end with the phrase 'and then that charming little British gentleman slaughters the hairball in the wheelchair,' I'm not interested! [Slurp!]" Oh, fine. I'll see what I can do. "Hooray!"

So, Crowley materializes in the kitchen and, after Bobby pumps a couple of entirely ineffectual rounds into him, he makes Speed Racer the following offer: If Bobby "loans" his soul to The Crossroads Boss, Crowley will use the resulting mojo to kick-start a spell that should spit out Death's present location in little to no time at all. Bobby considers this for a very long moment but makes no response, so that charming little British gentleman slaughters the hairball in the wheelchair. "VIOLENCE! WANTON ACTS OF UNREPENTANT HAIRBALL-SLAUGHTERING VIOLENCE AND GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!"

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