The French Mistake

Episode Report Card
Demian: D | 30 USERS: A-
Hardy Boys Only Pawn In Game Of Life
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Rattle, Rattle Tacky Blue Glitter THEN! As you'll recall, now that The Apocalypse has been averted, Raphael and several other like-minded angels are battling Castiel and his allies for control of Heaven, which has thrown Upstairs into a bit of a turmoil. Balthazar, a former colleague of My Sweet Baboo's, decided to take advantage of the unsettled situation, and absconded with several supercharged Heavenly weapons, like The Staff Of Moses and whatever the hell it was that turned Lot's Wife into a pillar of salt, the latter of which Belthazor deployed to destroy Raphael's initial earthly Vessel. Meanwhile, way back during Season One, Short-Lip Meg sliced open a guy's throat to make a phone call, and later, way back during Season Four, Princess Embolism got Darling Sammy addicted to crack. And then Dreary El Deano ran Princess Embolism through with her own Knife That Can Kill Anything Except When It Usually Can't Except When It's Killing Ruby, and with that, we head into the...

...Rattle, Rattle Tacky Blue Glitter NOW! As a full-blown monsoon rages its way through the lush coastal rainforests of southeastern South Dakota, the camera pans down past an intriguingly grisly photograph on a computer monitor to land on Dreary El Deano's hand as it dumps the last dregs of a whiskey bottle into a rocks glass. "Where's Bobby?" Darling Sammy wonders, entering The Emporium den from points elsewhere with an armful of books. "In town," Dean grunts, nodding in the general direction of Sioux Falls proper. "Supply run." "In this?" Sam guhs, hiking a thumb at the sheets of rain lashing against the windows. "The man's a hero," Dean intones, wiggling the empty whiskey bottle around to add, "We were officially out of Hunters' Helper." Sam would have a smart remark in response to that, I'm sure, were it not for the fact that every single light in The Emporium chooses this very moment to buzz and blink and flicker on and off. DUN!

"Hello, boys!" the just-appearing Belthazor jauntily calls out from the kitchen. "You've seen The Godfather, right?" he apparently non-sequiturs while propelling himself into the den to pillage Bobby's bookshelves. He's carrying an enormous bowl, and as he sets it down on the desk to dump an entire box of "Dead Sea brine" into the thing, he babbles, "You know, the end, where Michael Corleone sends his men to kill his enemies in one, big, bloody swoop?" "Hey!" Dean attempts to interrupt, impaling the yammering intruder with a couple of especially piercing death daggers from his eyes, but Belthazor pays him no mind, and gibbers on, "And Moe Greene gets it in the eye, and Don Cuneo gets it in the revolving door?" "I said hey!" Dean interrupts again, and this time, Belthazor knocks it off with the nonsensical prattling long enough to condescend, "You did! Twice! Good for you!" And with that, the rogue angel flutters back into the kitchen in search of lamb's blood, which Bobby of course just happens to have in his fridge. "Why are you talking about The Godfather?" Sam finally thinks to ask as Belthazor flutters back to the desk to pour the blood into his bowl. "Because," Belthazor kindly explains, "we're in it, right now, tonight, and in the role of Michael Corleone? The Archangel Raphael." Dun-dun-DUN! Well, I'm guessing. I mean, they've kicked Raphael's ass at least fifteen times already on this show, so I don't know why they're suddenly supposed to be afraid of the guy now, but whatever. Are we done with the exposition yet?

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