The Girl Next Door

Episode Report Card
Demian: D | 7 USERS: B
It's Like The Hardy Boys Aren't Even Trying Anymore
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Rattle, Rattle WE DON'T GIVE A SHIT ANYMORE THEN!, and let's keep this quick, 'cause God knows they're just gonna forget about most of this crap as soon as they hit the title card: Darling Sammy is crazy, My Sweet Baboo swallowed a bunch of Leviathans and dissolved himself in a municipal reservoir, The Leviathans traveled through the water system to possess an untold number of humans before assuming control of a hospital -- the better to snack on the viscera of various patients, as you'll recall -- and a Leviathan named Edgar blew up The Emporium before knocking half of Darling Sammy's brain out through the latter's freakish Cro-Magnon ear while snapping Dashing El Deano's tibia in about eighteen different places. And at the end of the last episode, Our Imperiled Heroes found themselves strapped helplessly to a pair of gurneys, riding a speeding ambulance straight down into the hellish depths of The Leviathans' new lair at Sioux Falls General. DUN!

Rattle, Rattle STILL NOT GIVING A SHIT NOW! We get a woozy, out-of-focus Dean P.O.V. of various medical personnel laboring above Our Grievously Injured Hero until the ruthlessly efficient lady-doctor in charge snaps part of his shattered tibia back into place, at which point Dean bolts upright on his ER gurney to scream. As a burly orderly -- and are there ever any other kinds of orderlies on TV? -- does his level best to hold Dean down, Dean snarls, "Where am I?" "Sioux Falls General," the lady-doctor curtly replies before focusing once again on the shredded, mangled mess that used to be his right shin -- a shredded, mangled mess that remains, I should note, off-screen during this entire scene, like, throw us a frigging bone, here, you bastards. You know, so to speak. Anyway, Dean gets all panicky and such, bellowing for his severely concussed brother, until an extremely helpful nurse pushes a hypodermic full of morphine into his IV line, at which point Dean finally shuts up and falls asleep.

Some time later, Dean awakens to find himself all by his lonesome in a room just off the main nurses' station. He slowly pulls himself up, rips out his IV, and... crashes to the floor when he tries to hop out of the bed! D'OH! Dumbass. Barely has he had a chance to acknowledge the existence of that massive cast now stretching all the way up his right leg when a notably spiffed-up Bobby wanders through the door with absolutely no explanation at all for where he's been or what he's been up to or why he's not a bitty pile of ash topped off by a charred trucker's cap right about now, and no, I am not exaggerating. See for yourself with these exact quotes:

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