The Girl Next Door

Episode Report Card
Demian: D | 7 USERS: B
It's Like The Hardy Boys Aren't Even Trying Anymore

...FLASHBACK! Teen Amy hears a car approaching, so she shoves Wee Sam into her closet, and no, that's not a euphemism for something naughty, EITHER, and would you all knock it the hell off already? GOD! ANY-way, barely has Wee Sam vanished into the depths of Teen Amy's closet when Teen Amy's mother comes barreling through the front door with a curt, "They caught up!" "Who caught up?" Teen Amy wonders. "Couple of pros in a piece-of-crap Impala," Teen Amy's Mother spits, powering over into the kitchen to announce, "We're leaving!" "But Moooooooooom!" Teen Amy whines, and the two beasties snipe at each other for a while with an increasingly agitated Wee Sam following their every word from the depths of Teen Amy's closet until Teen Amy's Mother comes dangerously close to ripping open that closet door, at which point Teen Amy hastily agrees to pack while her mother gases up the car. Momentarily mollified, Teen Amy's Mother exits, allowing Teen Amy a chance to free Wee Sam from his temporary prison. "Awesome first date, huh?" Teen Amy sighs. Unfortunately for her, Eagle-Eyed Wee Sam spots a stray bit of Braaaaaaaains! on the kitchen table, and he produces a knife from his jacket pocket, the better to gut Teen Amy like a fish. "That's my dad and brother in the Impala!" Wee Sam sneers, advancing upon Teen Amy with glittering black hatred in his eyes, and I'm sure this is all very tense and exciting, indeed, and by that I mean this is neither of those things at all, and eventually, Teen Amy somehow manages to tap into Wee Sam's deep vein of sympathy, or something, and he agrees not to kill her. "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" I couldn't agree with you more, my scaly friend.

Back in the present, Sam wearily trudges up to his motel room's door. He keys the lock, swings the door open, and...gets decked right into the next METAL TEETH CHOMP! DUN!

This Week's Motel Room. Aftermath. It was Dean who decked Darling Sammy into that last METAL TEETH CHOMP!, and as Sam dazedly rubs at his much-abused skull, Dean announces, "New rule: You steal my baby, you get punched!" Dean goes on to berate his brother for disappearing as he did, and the two blather about The Uncertain State Of Poor Darling Sammy's Fragile Little Mind -- again, SOME MORE -- until they finally decide to chat about more relevant recent events, and Sam is quickly forced to admit that he let Amy go. "You what?" Dean shrills, incredulous. "Why?"

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