The Girl Next Door

Episode Report Card
Demian: D | 7 USERS: B
It's Like The Hardy Boys Aren't Even Trying Anymore

FLASHBACK! Apparently, Teen Amy's Mother forgot her purse, or something, because before Wee Sam gets a chance to leave, she comes storming back in to toss him up against the wall, and she and her daughter scream and rant and rave at each other while Wee Sam just stands there all slack-jawed and such, and Teen Amy's Mother backhands Teen Amy before extending her CGI talons to claw open Wee Sam's wee skull. And then? "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" Well, yeah, that, but also this: Teen Amy drives a kitchen knife through her mother's torso from behind, and Teen Amy's Mother gasps and splutters and chokes and gags and falls to the linoleum floor, dead.

We return to the present to find Darling Sammy furrowing his brow while his brother growls, "You never told me that!" "I never told anyone," Sam admits, adding, "I mean, can you imagine what [Our Worthless Bastard Of A So-Called Father] would have done?" Dean can easily imagine what their worthless bastard of a so-called father would have done, thank you very much, and he silently allows Sam the point before complaining, "And you call letting her go cleaning it up?" "She killed her own mom to save me," Sam testily reminds him, and Dean's all, "Yeah, yeah, whatever, but look at her now!" "She's dropping bodies," Dean duhs, "which means we got to drop her, no matter how many merit badges she racked up when she was a kid!" "I'm sorry," he angrily concludes, of course not at all sorry in the least, "but it's that simple!" Darling Sammy rolls his tired eyes around in his much-abused skull and mopes, "Nothing in our lives is simple." Oh, poor you.

FLASHBACK! Teen Amy's Dead Mother is still dead. You know, in case you were wondering. "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" And I can see that you were not. Anyway, Wee Sam promises to take care of the corpse as long as Teen Amy blows town on the next bus. "Come with me!" Teen Amy pleads, because she is a teenager, and because all teenagers are stupid. "We don't have to be alone!" she continues. "We can be freaks together!" Ooops. Did I skip that whole conversation they had where she was like, "Freaks are, like, the coolest people EVAH!!!!!!!11!!1!" and he was all, "Totally!!!!!111!!1!!!" and then they made googly eyes at each other again for about ten thousand years? Sorry. In any event, Wee Sam shoots her down as we all know he must and Teen Amy gets teary and charges past him as we find ourselves bitch-slapped back into the...

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