The Girl Next Door

Episode Report Card
Demian: D | 7 USERS: B
It's Like The Hardy Boys Aren't Even Trying Anymore

But I don't have time to dwell on how stupidly they squandered the opportunity they gave themselves -- the opportunity to construct a nerve-wrackingly tense episode centered on, say, Sam and Dean's struggle to escape that hospital on their own, for example, with eviscerations and explosions and an absolutely massive body count by the end of it, just to toss out a couple of suggestions -- because we haven't even established this episode's primary plotlines yet, and already, I'm sleepy. So, we duck inside that ridiculously scenic rustic homestead to find Darling Sammy looking absolutely no worse for the wear despite the fact that Leviathan Edgar all but cleaved open his skull with a tire iron at the end of last week's episode, and he's sitting at the kitchen table, reading, while Dean sprawls on a nearby sofa, engrossed in the anonymous telenovela now screening on the homestead's TV. The good news is, Dean's still sporting that massive cast. The bad news is -- spoiler! -- he rips that massive cast off in a couple of scenes and starts strutting around as if Leviathan Edgar never ground his goddamned tibia into powder in the first place, and this show can blow me. But perhaps I'm getting a little bit ahead of myself.

Bobby presently lopes in from points elsewhere to inform Our Intrepid Morons that The Leviathans have spread out across the country, with numerous hunters reporting all sorts of wacky Leviathan-related hijinks that will remain -- for the moment, at least -- unseen by the audience. The three natter at each other for a very long period of time, reminding us all of The Leviathans' identifying characteristics, and the only point of note to emerge from the conversation is the fact that The Leviathans have evidently abandoned Sioux Falls General, so there's another reason to write off this season's first two episodes entirely. Meanwhile, Sam zones out for a little bit, staring off into space as the never-seen Lucifer whispers sweet nothings in his ear, but he does manage to rouse himself in time to listen in as Bobby sighs, "Every last bit of info I ever had burned down." "So," Bobby continues, "I got to go round up my old library." "Whaaaaaaaa?" howls the audience as Sam delicately inquires, "I thought those books were one-of-a-kind?" "That's why I stashed copies all over the place," Bobby duhs, which means The Emporium's destruction is ultimately meaningless, which means there's yet another reason to write off this season's first two episodes entirely, and I'll be damned if I know how the hell we're gonna make it all the way through May at this rate, so I'll just shut my yap and listen as Dean tosses the Impala's keys in his brother's general direction and tells Sam to fetch them some snacks. And when Sam is gone, Dean and Bobby blather about The Uncertain State Of Poor Darling Sammy's Fragile Little Mind -- again, SOME MORE -- until Bobby finally bails to dig up some more info on The Leviathans.

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