The Girl With The Dungeons And Dragons Tattoo

Episode Report Card
Demian: F | 21 USERS: A-
The Hardy Boys Pander Shamelessly To Geeks

At the moment, however, those digs are of no importance at all, for barely has Dean's grumbling flown from his excessively pretty lips when the cabin's lights start to buzzing and blinking and flickering on and off, seemingly of their own accord. Our Intrepid Idiots immediately leap to their feet, Tough Guy Jazz Hands at the ready, but it's just Dead Bobby popping up for a chat and after he apologizes for "the jump scare," and after they establish how tired Dead Bobby is thanks to last week's strenuous hijinks, the three gather around the cabin's kitchen table in order to -- as Dead Bobby puts it -- "skip to the skinny." Unfortunately, said skinny is actually a morbidly obese round of blathering bedecked with occasional flashbacks to various pertinent episodes in which Our Intrepid Idiots plus Dead Bobby needlessly remind the tormented members of this wretched husk of a show's rapidly-dwindling audience of plot points WE ALREADY KNOW ABOUT. Or, you know, plot points we already guessed, but whatever. In any event, I'll lead you all through it as best I can, like so: The numbers Soon-To-Be-Dead Bobby scrawled on one of Darling Sammy's mighty mitts represented the coordinates to a vast swath of Northern Wisconsin recently purchased by Richard Roman Enterprises, which has already begun constructing "a biotech lab" on the property. As Dead Bobby learned shortly before he got himself shot in the head, The Leviathans intend to "dumb us all down with Turducken-style munchies" in order to "make us docile," after which they intend to deploy a bit of hoodoo stem-cell research in order to cure the human race of "all the biggies" like "cancer, AIDS, heart disease," and such, with the end result being, of course, a "perfect herd" of perfect people-shaped cattle perfectly willing to march its "dopey, fat asses down to the shiny new death camps at every corner." "This is about knocking us off the top of the food chain," Dead Bobby sums up before adding for emphasis, "This is about them Levis living here forever." DUN!

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