The Girl With The Dungeons And Dragons Tattoo

Episode Report Card
Demian: F | 21 USERS: A-
The Hardy Boys Pander Shamelessly To Geeks

The next morning, Adorkably Quirky Super-Hacker™ Felicia Day® finally manages to crack through the defenses on Probably-Dead Frank's purloined hard drive and, after consulting with Hermione Gingold, she decides to examine the drive's contents herself, even though Richard Roman left her with explicit instructions to deliver the thing to his office the moment she gained access. She's such a rebel! An Adorkably Quirky Rebel™, that is!

There follows an all-too-lengthy Probably-Dead Frank-narrated montage during which Adorkably Quirky Super-Hacker™ Felicia Day® learns everything there is to know about The Leviathans and I'm not going to complain about it too much, because it allows me to skip past two minutes of entirely useless screentime. For those of you keeping track at home, that's eight full minutes we've spent watching absolutely nothing, featuring Felicia Day®. Joy. And when it's over, Adorkably Quirky Super-Hacker™ Felicia Day® decides to seek out her ineffectual wimp of a boss for a consult, only to discover he's retired to the facility's parking garage for a cigarette.

Cut to the parking garage, where Adorkably Quirky Super-Hacker™ Felicia Day®'s ineffectual wimp of a boss is just now retrieving his smokes from his car, because no smoker ever carries his cigarettes with him at all times, ever, and just as he's about to fire one up, Richard Roman appears with an ominous-looking bodyguard, because no cigarette smoker will be suffered to live on Supernatural. You know, basically. Claiming he wants "a watchful eye kept" on Adorkably Quirky Super-Hacker™ Felicia Day® and her little hard-drive project -- and after offering us all an entirely gratuitous albeit well-deserved verbal smackdown of noted Christian failure Tim Tebow -- Richard Roman sics his ominous-looking bodyguard on Adorkably Quirky Super-Hacker™ Felicia Day®'s haplessly ineffectual wimp of a boss. The bodyguard quickly morphs down into Wimp Boss form, then proceeds to devour Famous Original Wimp Boss right there in the parking garage... and right in front of the just-arriving Adorkably Quirky Super-Hacker™ Felicia Day®! D'OH!

Adorkably Quirky Super-Hacker™ Felicia Day®, of course, gasps in shock and horror and whatnot, but she's quite naturally canny enough to stifle her wails of abject terror and the next thing we know, she's scurried back to her apartment to throw some necessities into a bag and she's about to split town for good when Our Idiot Morons materialize from out of nowhere to block her exit. The boys prove their human bona fides by splashing some borax-laced detergent on their hands, then insist Adorkably Quirky Super-Hacker™ Felicia Day® do the same. She complies, and we finally -- finally -- head into this evening's first CHOMP!-less commercial break with Adorkably Quirky Super-Hacker™ Felicia Day® wondering, "Who the hell are you guys?"

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