The Girl With The Dungeons And Dragons Tattoo

Episode Report Card
Demian: F | 21 USERS: A-
The Hardy Boys Pander Shamelessly To Geeks

After a bit of extremely unamusing business involving Adorkably Quirky Super-Hacker™ Felicia Day®'s habit of singing to herself when she's nervous, the boys contact her via her product-placed Bluetooth®-enabled earpiece, whereupon Dumbass El Deano instructs her not to lose the "heirloom" flask they've placed in her backpack for good luck. Everyone then agrees that it's go time, but, of course, there's problem: Adorkably Quirky Super-Hacker™ Felicia Day® chooses this very moment to allow her nerves to get the better of her, so Dimwit Sammy has little choice but to offer her a wireless pep talk and as the infantile Harry Potter references abound during the conversation that follows, I'll be skipping past the whole thing to the point where...

...Adorkably Quirky Super-Hacker™ Felicia Day® finally enters the building to board the elevator for the ride to the fourth floor, and oh! This is why she rerouted the security camera feeds through her laptop: once she arrives on her own floor, she exits the cab, allowing Dimwit Sammy to place the footage from the now-empty cab's camera on an endless loop, so Adorkably Quirky Super-Hacker™ Felicia Day® might reboard that same elevator for the ride up to the executive suites on eleven. Of course, because this show SUCKS, this supposedly clever twist requires all of us to forget the fact that the main security desk would have independent information on which elevator cab is on what floor at all times and it also requires all of us to forget the fact Adorkably Quirky Super-Hacker™ Felicia Day® is riding a glass-walled elevator in an open atrium. I WANT TO DIE.

Unfortunately, I do not die and so must continue with this hateful, horrible, wretched and miserable episode. Adorkably Quirky Super-Hacker™ Felicia Day® arrives on the executive floor entirely unmolested, only to find her path blocked by "a big-ass guard." "What do I do?" she panics. "Just wait him out," Dumbass El Deano suggests. The security guard proceeds to plant himself in a chair, where he begins to leaf through the most recent issue of National Geographic. "He's not going anywhere!" Adorkably Quirky Super-Hacker™ Felicia Day® moans. Dumbass El Deano thinks real hard about that for a couple of seconds, then suggests Adorkably Quirky Super-Hacker™ Felicia Day® flirt her way past the guy. Of course, there's a problem with this as well: Adorkably Quirky Super-Hacker™ Felicia Day® is a lesbian and therefore incapable of flirting with anything in possession of a penis. Just go with it, because I don't have the strength to scream about that particular piece of stupidity at this point. And while I'm tempted to refer to her as "Danger Dyke" from here on out, I'd only use that nickname on a character I actually enjoy watching, so Adorkably Quirky Super-Hacker™ Felicia Day® it is for the remainder of the recap.

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