The Great Escapist

Episode Report Card
Tippi Blevins: N/A | 25 USERS: A-
Spiritual Enema

Castiel is trying to reason with Ion. "This charge was left to us," he says. "It's our mission." He's clutching his belly, trying to keep his angelic intestines from spilling out. As much coffee as he's been drinking, he should be leaking more java than blood. "They've been in all our heads," Ion says, fed up with all the angel mind games. While Ion paces and pouts, Castiel takes the opportunity to sneak the slug out from his wound. Also, Crowley has apparently made a Chinese law firm his new office. Was he having the carpets cleaned at his old office?

Speaking of Crowley: the King of Hell has returned to the fake houseboat to confront Kevin. There's a Devil's Trap in front of the threshold, but Crowley just knocks the door over on top of it and walks over. "You little prat," he seethes. Kevin doesn't bother to get up from his repast of barbecue rips and (garlic) mashed potatoes. In fact, for the first time since this all began, Kevin looks completely unafraid. "Screw you," he says with a smile. Crowley sets down the still-bloody Angel Tablet. "How'd you figure it out?" he asks. "It started when they forgot the secret knock," Kevin says. "But really, it was the way they acted. I don't think on their best day Sam and Dean would get me a barbecue dinner, not when there are leftover burritos in the fridge." That would make more sense if we hadn't seen the Winchesters bringing him food at least twice before.

"Michael and Lucifer, those dudes are in the deep fryer," Dean tells Metatron. "We put them there ourselves!" Sam shouts, holding onto his ears. Metatron is further surprised to learn that Gabriel and Raphael are dead, as well. "Can you turn that down?!" Sam practically yodels. This is what finally gets Metatron to lower his rifle. He realizes that Sam is "resonating," which is the new "sparkling." "You're undertaking the trials. You're trying to pull one of the great levers, aren't you?" Sam's dumbfounded look is all he needs for confirmation. "When you get this far along, you start resonating with the Word," he says. "Or its source on the material plane." Meaning, of course, Metatron. He tells them his backstory, which is that he was kind of a low-level angel before God chose him. When God decided to leave, he had Metatron write down his instructions. "Then He was gone," he says. "After that, the archangels took over. They cried and they wailed, and they wanted their father back." Eventually, the archangels decided to start running the show themselves, which led to the wreckage that was Supernatural's fifth season. But apparently, they want to do more than that, and want control of the whole universe. (Which will more likely than not center on the Midwestern United States.) "But they couldn't do anything that big without the Word of God," says Metatron. He realized that they would realize they needed him to find the tablets, and so he hid.

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