Episode Report Card
Demian: C+ | 4 USERS: A
The Hardy Boys Schedule Vasectomies

Meanwhile, Divorced Dad's busily sanding a handmade rocking horse in the workshop he's got set up over in his own garage while some unseen dark demonic force freshly escaped from the flaming maw of Hell -- represented here by the shaky hand-held camera -- skitters around behind the parked silver SUV, spying on him, and Divorced Dad is now Doomed Dad, because you know he's not going to make it to the title card alive. Eventually, Doomed Dad decides it's time to hit the hay, and he's almost across the threshold into his house proper when the still-unseen force scampers across the garage to activate Doomed Dad's table saw, which whirrs into ominous life in the extreme foreground of the shot. Doomed Dad makes with the puzzled expressions for a bit before carefully picking his way across the garage floor and just as carefully switching the saw off. Once the vicious little blades of the thing have clanked to a stop, Doomed Dad heads back towards the house, but no sooner has he snapped off the overhead light when the demonic force flips the saw back on again. This time around, when Doomed Dad approaches to investigate, he foolishly lingers to examine the underside of the table rather than switching it all off immediately, which is enough for the unseen demonic force to fly into action, and Raoul, you might want to open your eyes for this. As Raoul cautiously peeks through his fingers at the scene now unfolding on the screen, the demonic force rears up and pounces, flipping Doomed dad around and knocking him off-balance backwards so his spine slams down -- hard -- on the still-buzzing table saw, and, oh, my God, this is especially gruesome because his body of course involuntarily attempts to arch up and away from the thing that just tore an eight-inch-long gash through his rib cage, but the teeth on the spinning blade snag at something vile and yank his torso back down so they can hack all the way through the front of his shirt with the blood spitting from the torn fabric and from his mouth and there's a river of it spurting up across his neck from below and..."GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" While Raoul and I shriek and squirm about with delight while flapping our hands in the air like the little girls we despise so much -- he's been a horrible influence on me, can you tell? -- the saw snaps off, seemingly of its own accord, and the camera strays past Dead Dad's glazed eyes to land on that eternally unfinished rocking horse of his as it teeters back and forth in a mysterious breeze until...

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12Next





Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP