Episode Report Card
Demian: C+ | 4 USERS: A
The Hardy Boys Schedule Vasectomies

If he didn't, he would have in a second anyway, for no sooner has she left than Dean calls him on his cell to confirm, "Dude, there is a job in this town." Seems Dead Dick's unfortunate accident was merely the latest in a string of fatal mishaps to have plagued Morning Hill's gated community over the last couple of weeks. Sam looks grim.

Elsewhere, Demented Diana rouses herself from an impromptu nap on her couch to find...her demonic daughter, mildly appraising her from the arm of the sofa! "Eeeek!" shrieks Raoul, frightened out of his already scattered wits. "Devil child! DEVIL CHILD!" Aren't they all? "Well, of course! But I thought it only appropriate to punctuate this entirely unexpected development with an appropriate howl of abject terror!" I sense sarcasm. "You sense incorrectly, for I am far too frightened of that...that thing on the screen to...oh, I can't even muster an appropriate response! Fast-forward! Fast-forward now!" 'Fraid I can't do that, my easily affrighted friend, because this is the scene where things really start getting weird, beginning with The Demonic Daughter's insistence upon deploying bizarrely British locutions when addressing her mother. You know, like calling her "Mummy," and insisting, "Oh, ripping! Isn't it delightful when we play together, mother dear!" Okay, so I made the second bit up, but the "Mummy" thing is creeping me the hell out. In any event, after Demented Diana's made her woozy way towards the kitchenette, The Demonic Daughter races up behind her to cling to her supposed mother's waist in that will-sucking way of hers. Demented Diana slowly spins around to acknowledge the embrace, but stops short in horror when she spots their reflection in the mirror above the mantel, for The Demonic Daughter's exposed limbs appear to be mottled, rapidly decaying slabs of weeks-old corpseflesh! "FAST-FORWARD! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, MAN, FAST-FORWARD!" As poor Raoul cowers ever deeper into his overstuffed armchair, Demented Diana pulls away from the apparently rotting creature in her arms, only to discover that The Demonic Daughter's right back to her purportedly sweet-faced self. "I'm hungry, Mummy!" perks the oddly disaffected bit of foulness, so Demented Diana staggers off to the fridge for some vittles, and brava to Kathleen Munroe, who's doing an excellent job with her character's slow descent into madness this evening.

Elsewhere in the neighborhood, Darling Sammy's spiffed up enough to impersonate an insurance claims representative in order to pump one of the development's grieving widows for a bit of information regarding her late husband's mysterious fall from their second-storey window. Of importance are the blood-red streaks he notes on a railing and a windowsill, as well as the fact that their dead-eyed daughter, Dakota, was the only other person home at the time of her father's defenestration. Oh, and that honking huge suck mark complete with demonic dental impressions on the back of the woman's neck! "EVIL! MAKE THE EVIL DEVIL CHILDREN GO AWAY!"

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