The Mentalists

Episode Report Card
Demian: A | 5 USERS: A-
The Hardy Boys Are Still Talking About Dead Amy

...Lily Dale's bustling all-purpose indoor flea market. Come on. You don't think I was actually going to call it "The Emporium," do you? The boys waste little time tracking down the flea's proprietor, a shabby-looking also-psychic named "Jimmy Tomorrow," whose proffered card promises "Private Readings -- NO FUTURE TOO GRIM!" He quickly identifies the necklace they seek as "The Orb of Thessaly," a purportedly powerful and rare artifact Jimmy's keeping locked in a case beneath the junk shop's register, so incalculable is its value. Much to Jimmy's annoyance, The Dapper Duo claims a "state's evidence discount" and confiscates the trinket, which ends up being just some glittery piece of Made-In-Taiwan trash, anyway, as Eagle-Eyed Sammy discovers when he examines the bauble out in the sunlight. "A fake, around here?" Dean sarcastically sniffs. "Imagine that!" "Of course," he needlessly adds, "that means that whatever's killing mediums is still out there." "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" I can see you can see where this is going, my scaly friend. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Well, let's not be dragging our heels, then.

We join Nikolai The Spoon-Bender in his home -- a home that is, I'm sad to say, only modestly appointed -- as he dumps a bagful of cheap restaurant cutlery across his glass-topped coffee table. He selects a fork from the resultant pile and begins working the joint of the handle between his thumb and forefinger before simply bending the tines downward with his other hand. Dark, infernal whisperings assault the soundtrack, and all of the lights around him start buzzing and blinking and flickering on and off, seemingly of their own accord, as the fork mysteriously straightens itself out. DUN! Nikolai, perturbed, glances briefly at the malfunctioning fixture above his head, and when he looks back down at the coffee table, he finds all of the knives and forks standing on end with their pointy bits directed towards the ceiling! "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Naturally, Nikolai freaks and scrambles to his feet just in time to feel a sudden and drastic chill envelop the room, and as his breath streams visibly from his mouth, an unseen force hoists him bodily into the air. And then? "GOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" Indeed. For yes, gentle reader, that unseen force has carefully positioned the hapless charlatan above his eerily erect cutlery, and when the proper moment arrives, that unseen force slams this evening's next bit of Monster Chow down onto the table, impaling his head and torso upon several dozen cheaply made eating utensils. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Most felicitously, the camera ducks beneath the coffee table's glass top to linger lovingly while the dying Nikolai wheezes out a couple of lungfuls of blood, and we can see that one of the knives has been driven into his skull. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" There's also a fork in his neck. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" And a rapidly expanding puddle of grue staining his nice white shirt. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Okay, I'll stop now, because Raoul's about to shriek himself hoarse. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" And as Nikolai's wildly staring eyes slowly dim and glaze over, we head into this evening's first METAL TEETH CHOMP! more gratified than we've been in a very, very long time. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

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