Time After Time

Episode Report Card
Demian: B- | 4 USERS: A+
The Hardy Boys Talk Of Killing Time

The Only Street In Old-Timey Canton Because They Didn't Have The Budget To Dress More Than Four Storefronts. Dean and Eliot Ness sit side-by-side in a roadster, eyeing The God Of Time, who himself is seated in a nearby diner. Of course, Dean and Eliot Ness get to talking about their respective pasts, and I'm going to ignore Dean's side of the conversation completely, because he does little more than piss and moan about the sad, sorry life he's led up to this point, and WE'VE HEARD THAT ALREADY, SEVERAL GODDAMNED TIMES, so here's what you need to know about this show's version of Eliot Ness: The only reason he went after Al Capone is because Capone "had the best hooch in Chicago," and he didn't begin his hunting career until after his move to Cleveland, when he quite unexpectedly ran into a nest of vampires. As I mentioned in the recaplet, this bit of information likely explains The Cleveland Torso Murders, and as I also mentioned in the recaplet, The Cleveland Torso Murders would have been a far more entertaining piece of Ness-related history to exploit for this evening's entertainment, but they chose to go with Chronos, so here we are. And since I've veered off onto a tangent here, I might as well take this moment to note that Chronos is being portrayed by Jason Dohring, late of the excellent Veronica Mars, currently of the laughably abominable Ringer, and as that's all I have to say about him -- and can you tell I'm not exactly what you'd call a fan? -- let's skip ahead to the bit where...

...a pert blonde chippie exits Chronos's diner to pass directly in front of Eliot Ness's roadster, followed shortly by The God Of Time himself. Dean and Eliot Ness grab a couple of Tommy guns from the depths of Ness's very own Bottomless Trunk O' Demonic Destruction and begin to chase after the pair, and the camera goes all Original Recipe Batman with the crazy Dutch angles and such until Chronos catches up with the blonde in The Only Alleyway In Canton, Ohio, whereupon The God Of Time and his pert blonde chippie start in with a vigorous round of tonsil hockey. Dean and Eliot Ness get all Whaaaaaa? with the quizzical glances they toss in each other's direction because both had been convinced, of course, that the pert blonde chippie was going to be Chronos's third victim in this 1944 cluster, and once that's over with, we leap forward in time to...

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12Next





Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP