Episode Report Card
Demian: B | 2 USERS: A-
The Hardy Boys Do The Ultra-Violent

Vermont. Dean hikes up the front porch of a wood-frame house that's seen better days and rings the bell. He then pounds on the front door until a remote-operated security camera mounted high above one of the windows buzzes over to focus in his direction, after which a grumpy-sounding gentleman demands, "WHAT?" through the intercom. Dean introduces himself and explains the purpose of his unannounced visit, and he gets absolutely nowhere with gruff Rufus until gruff Rufus slams open the door to give Li'l Stumpy a piece of his aggravated mind, and Rufus is actually that beloved star of stage and screen, Mister Steven Williams! Many of you will recognize him from such hits as 21 Jump Street, The X Files, and Arli$$, but I know him best as Trooper Mount from The Blues Brothers, and if you're about to complain that you're too young to have seen that movie, you're banned. Now, where was I? Oh, yes: Steven Williams gives Li'l Stumpy a piece of his aggravated mind until Sly El Deano produces that bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue Bobby'd instructed him to carry, and the next thing we know...

...The two are comfortably ensconced in Rufus's tatty dining-room-cum-office, where they've already managed to polish off half the bottle. They easily and boozily chit-chat with one another until Dean finally gets down to business: Where the fuck is the posh annoyance, anyway? Unfortunately, Rufus seems determined to lay a couple of hard-earned life-lessons upon Our Intrepid Hero's tantalizing ass, and while the ensuing scene is delightful to watch thanks to the Mr. Williams's indelible performance of same, let's skip through to the major plot points, shall we? "Let's!" I knew I could count on you, friend of friends. "Any time at all, I'm sure!" So, long story short...

...Ooops. Forgot this bit was in here. Darling Sammy carefully wheels a rented SUV through a lonely stretch of track deep within the thick forest surrounding Erie, Pennsylvania. He keys off the engine, glances warily around the apparently deserted woods surrounding the car, and flips down the driver's-side visor to retrieve that map of likely Frankendoc locations he and Dean had been consulting when Bobby called. He steps out of the SUV with the map and a flashlight, and then carefully and conscientiously activates the locks, all the way out there in the middle of nowhere. Heh. Dork.

Vermont. And long story short, Rufus sent a photo of Bela's ear -- as captured on his security camera, natch -- to a friend of a friend of a friend at Scotland Yard, or someplace, and received in return ten pages of her confidential criminal file. 'Cause, you know, them Yurrpeens loves their hifalutin' fancy-pants technology so much. Also because Posh Bela apparently burned her fingerprints off years ago, and ear patterns are the next best thing, but who cares? The point is, the file is now Dean's, and he can find "that skinny, stuck-up English girl" in Room 39 at The Hotel Canaan. Got all that? "I do!" Excellent.

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