Episode Report Card
Demian: C | 5 USERS: A-
The Hardy Boys Schedule Vasectomies. Again.
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Rattle, Rattle Scented Taffy Clear Blue Glitter THEN! A short time ago, Darling Sammy came back from the dead, and so did Zombie Grandpa, but nobody bothered to tell Dashing El Deano about this intriguing development, so Dashing El Deano worked his big-boy man-panties into a tremendous wad and yelled at everyone. Also, Bendy Lisa seriously abused her member privileges at Mystic Tan, and now looks like a hairy kumquat with teeth. Also also, Zombie Grandpa gathered up three of the most obnoxious Campbell family cousins you could possibly ever imagine, and all of them -- unfortunately -- survived the season premiere. Meanwhile, a very, very, very long time ago, Our Intrepid Heroes met these awesome glowy-eyed monsters known as shapeshifters, and they killed as many of them as they could, sometimes in spectacularly gruesome and hilarious ways. And in the end, Darling Sammy asked Dashing El Deano to rejoin him on the road, but because Dashing El Deano was finally getting some on the regular, he told Darling Sammy to go blow.

Rattle, Rattle Scented Taffy Clear Blue Glitter NOW! A fire, blazing merrily away in an expensive-looking hearth. A mantelpiece, filled end to end with adorable photos of a young couple displaying their fresh infant. A bloody hand, smashing the photos to bits! "GOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" shrieks Raoul The Big Gay Supernatural Dragon as he writhes about atop his overstuffed armchair with especially exuberant amounts of delight, given the fact that last week's season premiere sent him flying into a coma of boredom within its first three seconds. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" He feels like he needs to catch up on his shrieking, you see, after so long a summer hiatus. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Good thing you warmed up beforehand, friend of friends. In any event, mere seconds pass before we catch site of the bloody hand's owner, and it's apparently the woman from the now-destroyed photographs. She's in a mad panic, and she's clutching that fresh infant of hers to her blood-streaked chest, racing through her expensive-looking home's first floor in a desperate attempt to escape an attacker whose identity is, of course, as of yet unknown. The fresh infant remains -- dare I say it? -- preternaturally calm throughout, even when Imperiled Mommy jounces her all the way up the stairs to the second floor. I've a feeling my fresh nephew would be caterwauling his tiny fool head off if given similar rough treatment, but he's kind of a spoiled brat already, so maybe he's not the best fresh infant to cite for comparison purposes.

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