Episode Report Card
Demian: C | 5 USERS: A-
The Hardy Boys Schedule Vasectomies. Again.

A little while later, Dean's still trying to comfort The New And Improved Fresh Infant when the manager starts a-knocking on the motel room door to complain about the noise. Well, "manager," because we all know damn well it's the shapeshifter, come to snatch The New And Improved Fresh Infant away from Our Intrepid Hero, but whatever. The shapeshifter eventually picks the door's lock and, still in deputy form, advances into the room with its sidearm drawn, but Dean gets the jump on the thing, and manly tussling ensues, with The New And Improved Fresh Infant screaming all the while in the background. The shapeshifter quickly gets the better of Dean, and things are looking mighty grim, indeed, when Dapper Sam suddenly pops up from out of nowhere to aerate the shapeshifter's torso with his automatic. "VIOLENCE!" "There goes our deposit," Dean deadpans as a pool of blood slowly spreads across the carpeting from the massive hole Dapper Sam just blew through the monster's chest. "GOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" This is turning out to be a pretty good episode for you, isn't it, Raoul? "It is, indeed! Whee!"

Back out on the road, with The New And Improved Fresh Infant now finally asleep in its car seat, Sam marvels over the fact that shapeshifters can actually reproduce. "I thought they were just freaks of nature," Sam buhs. "Like X-Men." It's called "retconning," darling, and I do believe you're soaking in it. Sam next admits he's never encountered "a baby monster" before, leading Dean to opine that it's really still just an innocent little infant, and while I'm sure there are many in the audience who would love to debate endlessly with you boys on this topic, I'm not one of them, so could you move along, please? Thanks. While wondering what they're going to do with the thing, Dean gets in a good one when he notes, "We can't actually drop it off at an orphanage -- they might get upset when it turns Asian." Heh. Sam's solution? Tote the kid up to The Campbell Compound, where Zombie Grandpa will know what to do. Dean objects, for he knows that a secret coven packed with "headcase" hunting types is the last place you'd want to stow a baby monster, but as he's momentarily at a loss for viable alternatives, The Campbell Compound it is.

Much later, Our Intrepid Heroes arrive at the heavily fortified barn currently serving as Zombie Grandpa's home base and, after passing through security, they head inside to introduce all of their annoying relatives to The New And Improved Fresh Infant. Girl Campbell's even more irritating than she was last week -- which is saying a lot -- and Corin Nemec continues to suck the very life force out of yours truly simply by appearing on the television screen, so it's left to Somewhat Attractive Blond Campbell to pick up the slack in this scene, which he does by silently approaching Dashing El Deano and staring at him. "You got something to say?" Dean challenges. Somewhat Attractive Blond Campbell continues to stare. "All right," Dean shrugs. "You just stand there and think at me." Having thus served his purpose, Somewhat Attractive Blond Campbell wanders off, the better to allow Zombie Grandpa an opening to step forward and commence with the incredibly tedious pissing contest that chews up a majority of the next three minutes. Long story short, Sam and Zombie Grandpa want to hand The New And Improved Fresh Infant over to Corin Nemec so the latter and his never-seen wife might raise the thing into the hunting lifestyle, and Dean howls his objections to this proposed solution because, basically, some genius decided a role reversal between Sam and Dean would be the perfect way to carry this series forward into the next decade, and no, and not, and try again, and shut up while you're at it, and drop dead. I sat through five seasons of Sam fleeing their shared heritage while Dean wholeheartedly embraced it, and I have absolutely no desire now to see the exact same story play itself out -- again -- the other way around. Now, could we please get back to shooting monsters in the fact with rock salt? "Yes, please!" I knew I could count on you to get my back on that one, Raoul. "Tee!"

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