Episode Report Card
Demian: C | 5 USERS: A-
The Hardy Boys Schedule Vasectomies. Again.

And once that pointless scene's over with, the guard dogs surrounding the barn start yowling, so I'm guessing yet another shapeshifter's managed to track down The New And Improved Fresh Infant. Zombie Grandpa agrees with me, and pushes the much-abused child into Dean's arms before propelling them downstairs towards the barn's demon-proof panic room, where Dean's to remain during the battle that follows. Sam, for whatever reason, scampers off to stand guard over his brother and the kid while the aggravating Campbells attempt to ward off the thing that's about to come crashing through their door, and that thing is...Zombie Grandpa? Dun-dun-DUN! Or, you know, not, because that thing is actually the shapeshifter in Zombie Grandpa form. Anyway, Fake Zombie Grandpa batters in the triple-locked barn door and lopes to the center of the room before allowing a devious smirk to cross his face as he announces, "You have something of ours." Is that something a METAL TEETH CHOMP!? Because that's all you're getting, Fake Zombie Grandpa. For the moment, at any rate.

Campbell Compound. Immediate aftermath. Girl Campbell fires two rounds of buckshot into Fake Zombie Grandpa's back, but Fake Zombie Grandpa simply shrugs off the shotgun blasts and turns to kill her dead. "Hooray!" Unfortunately, Attractive Blond Campbell stupidly leaps into the frame at this moment to plunge a knife into Fake Zombie Grandpa's chest. "Rats!" Fake Zombie Grandpa calmly snaps Attractive Blond Campbell's neck, and there goes my only reason for caring about any of these people. Raoul, however, is practically piddling his overstuffed armchair with glee. "VIOLENCE!" Actual Zombie Grandpa and Soul-Sucking Corin Nemec shoot Fake Zombie Grandpa up with enough elephant tranquilizers to take down a Kardashian, but alas! This merely prevents Fake Zombie Grandpa from snapping Girl Campbell's neck as well. Fake Zombie Grandpa swoons for a bit, but soon enough regains his composure and -- get this -- flexes his back muscles to send those tranquilizing darts zipping back across the room. "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Unfortunately, the camera cuts away from the shapeshifter-delivered smackdown that follows, and we join Our Intrepid Heroes down in the panic room as they anxiously listen to the delightful sounds of the all-out Campbell thrashing now taking place somewhere above their heads. Sam stupidly -- stupidly -- decides to return topside to help, but before he makes it halfway across the floor...his ginormous doppelganger pops up in the door's window! DUN! Fake Sam rips the panic room's door off its hinges, and because Fake Sam is far better at the hand-to-hand than Real Sam is, Real Sam soon finds himself sprawled unconscious out in the hall. Fake Sam next begins to advance upon Dean, but then pauses about a dozen feet away from him. And in a very "special" "effect" ripped straight from the Satanic Hell that was CANCELLED!, Fake Sam squiggles, and turns into Fake Dean. And I have officially had enough of this bullshit, so let's cut to the chase: Squiggly Fake Dean hoists Real Dean up into a chokehold, latches onto The New And Improved Fresh Infant while Real Dean is thus otherwise occupied, and hurls Real Dean off to one side so it might casually exit with its child.

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