Episode Report Card
Demian: C | 5 USERS: A-
The Hardy Boys Schedule Vasectomies. Again.

...Tinkle, Tinkle RAAAWWWR! "...!" Um. "...!" Dude, did you miss your cue again? "Why, what on earth do you mean?!" Well, isn't this the point where you writhe about atop your overstuffed armchair, shrieking and hooting and howling and, like, thumping your tail against the floor with delight over the title card? "Hmph!" Raoul snorts, two perfect rings of smoke puffing from his evidently offended nostrils. So...that would be a no, then? "I'll not be wasting my precious breath like that this season, I can assure you!" New title card kind of sucks, yeah? "I should say so! Why, after last season's endlessly compelling and eternally delightful blood-burst of a title card, this...! This...! This...tawdry glassware effect is an insult!" Don't you think you're being a little... "AN INSULT!" Okay! Okay. "Must we dwell upon such unpleasantness!?" Well, of course we don't have to dwell... "Then chop-chop!" Don't make me start flicking you on the back of the neck this early in the season, houseguest. "CHOP-CHOP!" Fine. "Hee!"

Somewhere else (I'm guessing), the camera fades up on a huge suburban manse that's apparently just been rented out to -- wait for it -- Dean, who's already futzing around in the enormous manse's garage. The realtor sign on the front lawn, by the way, featured an area code that began with a 3, so unless Supremely Paranoid El Deano hauled Bendy Kumquat and The Brat all the way up to Saskatchewan to avoid any remaining genies lurking around his old house, I'm guessing they're still in the greater Cicero area. Dean's puttering around Metallicar's bottomless trunk again, closely examining random sawed-off shotguns before replacing them in favor of somewhat more badass models, and this continues through the entire guest-star scroll at the bottom of the screen until Dean finally slams the Impala's trunk shut, locks it, stows away the keys, and recovers everything with a dropcloth. He then grabs a nearby box labeled "KITCHEN" and hauls it back into...

...the enormous manse proper, where The Brat mopes at the dining room table while Bendy Lisa -- she's not nearly as orange in these scenes as she was in the THEN!, don't you know -- encourages her son not to give up on their new neighborhood before he's had a chance to explore it properly, or something. Believe it or not, I'm siding with The Brat in this particular argument. "Really?!" gasps Raoul, a shocked yet perfectly manicured paw pressed against his astounded chest. "Why!?" Because this is, like, the eighth goddamned house that poor kid's had to move to in the last three years, that's why. I'd be telling Bendy Lisa to shove her platitudes up her ass, too, if I were him. "Demian!" Raoul chides. "Language!" Honey, you were asleep all last week. You have no idea the kind of language this season's pushing me towards already. "Oh, my!" Now, if you don't mind? "Absolutely not!"

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