Episode Report Card
Demian: C | 5 USERS: A-
The Hardy Boys Schedule Vasectomies. Again.

And while Raoul eviscerates another pawful of white mice in that impressively fanged maw of his, Dapper Sam...wait. Where the hell was I? Oh yeah: This Is Not Their Kind Of Thing/This Is Totally Their Kind Of Thing. So, Dapper Sam agrees to continue his investigation in Lansing, because even if this is a case of The Benders redux -- which it's not, because we all saw those shapeshifters in the THEN! -- it'll still be well worth his while to prevent any more murders while maybe saving those four missing fresh infants as well. Just then, Eagle-Eyed Sammy spots a sign on The Death House's front lawn, which reminds him of something the detective said earlier. "The alarm never went off," he reveals to Zombie Grandpa. "You mind taking a quick look, seeing if anyone else had a system from Harper Caine Security?" Zombie Grandpa agrees, but not before he makes some lousy joke about these goshdarn newfangled computing doohickeys all the kids are talking about nowadays. When is Zombie Grandpa going to drop dead again?

New New Bendy Estates. The Brat, tired of having nothing to do because his mother's dicksmack of a slampiece didn't think to get the goddamned cable installed before they goddamned moved in, has repaired to the garage, where he's broken into Metallicar's bottomless trunk and is now playing with Dean's weaponry. Supremely Paranoid El Deano enters, immediately goes ballistic, and starts tearing The Hapless Brat a new one. The Hapless Brat protests that he knows there are things that go bump in the night, and he knows those things are after his family, and he knows that Supremely Paranoid El Deano was already hunting similar things when he was The Hapless Brat's age, so why can't The Hapless Brat learn how to defend himself, huh? Why can't Slampiece Dicksmack teach him how to use a gun? "Shut up about the freaking gun!" Supremely Paranoid El Deano howls, so The Hapless Brat beats a hasty and profusely apologetic retreat, and Supremely Paranoid El Deano, like, cries, or something, because he's turning into little more than a better-looking version of his own worthless bastard of a so-called father. I'm pretty sure. Next!

On the shores of a ridiculously scenic lake, Darling Sammy -- having by now divested himself of his FBI drag -- reviews some files when Zombie Grandpa calls to confirm his suspicions regarding Harper Caine Security. All four of the dead marrieds had malfunctioning Harper Caine systems present in their homes the nights of their respective murders, but in a bit of good news, there's one couple on the hacked Harper Caine client list who's still alive. Heroic Action Sammy charges to the rescue.

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