Episode Report Card
Demian: C | 5 USERS: A-
The Hardy Boys Schedule Vasectomies. Again.

New New Bendy Estates. Supremely Paranoid El Deano's hiding in the garage when Bendy Lisa emerges from the house to confront him regarding the recent screamy slapfight he had with her son, and long story short, she's had it with his bullshit post-genie attitude, and will not be held prisoner in her own home, thank you very much. "I know you're trying to protect us," she allows, "but you're kind of scaring me, too." Supremely Paranoid El Deano doesn't have a snappy answer for that one, so Bendy Lisa returns to the house, alone.

Lansing. Heroic Action Sammy wheels his Charger over to the curb across the street from the nighttime facade of the fifth Harper Caine couple's home, and good goddamn, but it took Heroic Action Sammy a hell of a long time to get there, didn't it? It was broad daylight when he left that ridiculously scenic lake. Anyway, Sam retrieves an automatic and a flashlight from the Charger's trunk, deploys his mad lock-picking skillz to gain access to the house in question, and Tough-Guy Jazz-Hands his way through the first floor until he stumbles across...the fifth Harper Caine couple, swimming in their own blood! "GOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" Hardly Heroic Sam spots a set of suspiciously bloody footprints tracking from the rapidly cooling corpses in the parlor towards the back of the house, so he tippy-toes after them into the dining room where he finds...and entirely empty broom closet! DUN! Okay, I'm kidding. Sort of. He actually does find an entirely empty broom closet, after which he unusually large Harper Caine security guard, leaping at him from the shadows! Dun-dun-DUN! And because Hardly Heroic Sam still suh-huuuuucks at the hand-to-hand, the unusually large security guard quickly flips Our Intrepid Hero onto his back, scattering the flashlight and the gun to opposite ends of the room. Fortunately, Hardly Heroic Sam's still got that silver switchblade from last week, and he whips it out of his pants to gouge a steaming, bloody trench into the unusually large security guard's meaty forearm. "VIOLENCE!" howls Raoul, writhing about atop his overstuffed armchair in paroxysms of glee. "WANTON ACTS OF UNREPENTANT VIOLENCE AND GOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" Thus wounded, the unusually large security guard flees, leaving Hardly Heroic Sam alone with the corpses and whatever might be lurking beyond the kitchen.

Forced to abandon his whole Tough-Guy Jazz-Hands schtick thanks to the loss of his flashlight and gun, and armed only with that silver switchblade of his, Hardly Heroic Sam angles through the gloom of the abandoned kitchen for a very lengthy period of time until he reaches what appears to be a laundry room overlooking the home's backyard. Warily, he tugs back the cloth covering a small table and finds...something that makes him wriggle his eyebrows around in mild surprise! DUN!

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