Two Minutes To Midnight

Episode Report Card
Demian: B+ | 3 USERS: A+
The Hardy Boys Cut Their Meat and Lick the Gravy

Anyway, Death passes Dean a slice and tells him to eat. As the storm rages ever louder outside, Dean hesitantly goes at his plate with a knife and a fork -- it looks like it's pepperoni with green peppers and mushrooms -- and seems surprised when he fails to keel over dead. "Good, isn't it?" Death asks. Dean silently agrees, then wonders how old Death actually is. "As old as God," Death shrugs, "maybe older. Neither of us can remember anymore. Life, death, chicken, egg, regardless: At the end, I'll reap Him, too." "'Reap God'?" Dean repeats, incredulous. "Oh, yes," Death mildly replies, "God will die, too, Dean." "Well, this is way above my pay grade," Dean foolheartedly jokes. Death's all, "Yeah, just a tetch." Heh. "So, then why am I still breathing?" Dean asks, all but begging for a Death-dealt smackdown at this point. "What do you want?" "The leash around my neck off!" Death hisses with an unexpected ferocity. You see, Lucifer somehow has Death "bound to him with some unseemly little spell," and has been treating Death like an indentured servant over the last couple of months, which is why Death couldn't go to Dean directly and had to wait for Our Intrepid Hero to "catch up" to him. "He made me his weapon," Death peevishly explains. "Hurricanes, floods, raising the dead -- I'm more powerful than you can process, and I'm enslaved to a bratty child having a tantrum!" "I understand you want this," Death states, indicating his chunky signet ring. "I'm inclined to give it to you." "What about Chicago?" Dean asks. "I suppose it can stay," Death allows, adding rather nonchalantly, "I like the pizza." There are conditions, however -- Dean must do whatever it takes to place Lucifer back in his cell, so Death exacts a promise: "You're going to let your brother jump right into that fiery pit." Dean gulps. "Well?" Death prompts. "Do I have your word?" Dean hesitates, but eventually blurts, "Okay, yeah! Yes." He accepts The Horseman's proffered ring, and with that, the raging thunderstorm outside passes. "Now," Death continues, "would you like the instruction manual?" METAL TEETH CHOMP!

Bobby's Emporium. Dean's outside at a workbench, evidently practicing Death's instructions regarding the four Horsemen rings. He has them arranged in a Y shape, and when he slides one towards the center, all four snap together as if magnetized. The gentleman of The Emporium delicately announces his arrival by knocking aside a bit of automotive debris with his now fully functioning legs, and Dean looks up from the rings to smirk, "How'd it go with the Rockettes audition?" "High kicks fair," Bobby shoots back, "boobs need work." Bobby passes Dean a beer, Dean shows Bobby his neato ring trick, and then the two settle in for an end-of-episode chat that covers Dean's promise to the final Horseman and Sam's abysmally stupid plan to end The Apocalypse. Dean thinks Death might be lying about that whole indentured-servitude-to-the-spoiled-brat thing, but Bobby's inclined to take The Grim Reaper at the latter's word. There's some chatter about Sam's heroics at the Niveus warehouse, and then mention is made of the "darkness" supposedly lurking deep within The Ginormomope before Bobby expresses his belief that Sam will either succeed in defeating Lucifer or die trying. "So, I gotta ask, Dean," he finishes, laying it all on the line, "what exactly are you afraid of: Losing, or losing your brother?" The Ducky Lips do not answer.

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