Supernatural
Two Minutes To Midnight

Episode Report Card
Demian: B+ | 3 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
The Hardy Boys Cut Their Meat and Lick the Gravy

...SPLAT! "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" shrieks Raoul The Big Gay Supernatural Dragon, once more writhing about upon his overstuffed armchair with delight over the fifth season's endlessly compelling blood-burst of a title card, and the poor dear is going to be so woebegone and forlorn once they finally get around to replacing this isn't he? "I beg your pardon?!" Nothing! Nothing, my scaly friend. Just, uh, wondering if you have anything to add at this point? "I do not!" Then I'll continue. "Bully idea!" "Bully"? Thanks, Teddy Roosevelt. "Hee!"

As the camera pans across a series of webpage printouts informing us of raging wildfires in California, freak electrical storms in Maryland, and deadly tornados tearing across Kansas, a card appears at the bottom of the screen informing us it's now "One Day Earlier." The camera then follows Bobby's hand as it plucks the latest printout from the stack littering his desk and continues spinning around Speed Racer until it catches sight of a ranting Dean, screaming at Sam in the Emporium Kitchen. "What the hell is wrong with you?" Dean seethes. "And don't 'Dean' me! I mean, you have had some stupid ideas in the past, but this?" "Did you know about this?" Dean demands of Bobby. "About Sam's genius plan to say yes to The Devil?" Bobby, somewhat reluctantly, nods his head. There's a pause in which Dean stares at Bobby, all slack-jawed with disbelief, after which his features fly back up into Rage Mode as he shouts, "Well, thanks for the heads up!" It's unreasonably amusing. Hee. "This ain't about me," Bobby protests, so Dean whirls back upon Sam, jabbing a finger in his brother's direction while firmly asserting, "You can't do this!" "That's the consensus," Sam shrugs. "All right!" Dean snaps. "Awesome! End of discussion!" His phone rings. "HELLO!" Heh. "Dean?" Castiel asks from the other end of the line.

The scene cuts to the interior of yet another hospital, where we find My Sweet Baboo reclining on a bed in one of those cheap gowns with an admission bracelet firmly secured around his wrist. He also appears to be hooked up to an IV drip, so we know something bizarre's going on with Dashing El Deano's angelic boyfriend even before Castiel tells Dean where he is and explains, "I just woke up here. The doctors were fairly surprised -- they thought I was brain-dead." The poor dear's sporting some nasty-looking scratch marks on his left eyebrow and a huge bruise on his right cheekbone, but his hair is fabulous. Seriously, it hasn't looked this good since his gloriously spectacular entrance into our lives way back at the beginning of the fourth season. In any event, Impatient El Deano brusquely prompts My Battered Baboo for further information, and Castiel willingly complies with, "After Van Nuys, I suddenly appeared, bloody and unconscious on a shrimping boat off Delacroix." Castiel pauses for a moment before adding, "I'm told it upset the sailors." Ha! Dean rather comically shakes that one off, then explains the current situation to his celestial slampiece before urging Castiel to zap himself up to the lush coastal rainforests of southeastern South Dakota posthaste. "I can't 'zap' anywhere," Castiel sighs, grimacing a bit from some unspecified ache or pain. "It seems my batteries are drained." "Whaddya mean," Dean frowns, "you're out of angel mojo?" "I'm saying that I am thirsty and my head aches," Castiel replies. "I have a bug bite that itches no matter how much I scratch it. I'm saying that I'm just incredibly..." "Human!" Dean realizes. He allows that to sink in as he sinks into a kitchen chair, and there's an awkward-ish pause before Dean offers, "Sorry." Castiel brushes past that to point out he can't go anywhere without money for a plane ticket. And food. And painkillers, while we're at it. Dean rubs at his tired eyes and assures Castiel that Bobby can wire the fallen angel whatever he needs. This news comes as a surprise to Bobby, but Dean ignores the cripple's outraged yelps to listen as Castiel notes, "Dean, you said no to Michael. I owe you an apology -- you are not the burnt and broken shell of a man that I believed you to be." Hee. And then Jensen Ackles, with a delightful sense of comic timing, mutters a delayed "Thank you" before pausing again, only to add -- hilariously -- a mildly annoyed "I appreciate that." And then Castiel just cluelessly hangs up without saying another word. Ha!

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Supernatural

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