Two Minutes To Midnight

Episode Report Card
Demian: B+ | 3 USERS: A+
The Hardy Boys Cut Their Meat and Lick the Gravy

Niveus Pharmaceuticals' Distribution Center. The three watch as pharmaceutical flunkies load a bunch of cunningly repurposed Penske cargo vans with the tainted Mexican Influenza vaccine, and OH MY GOD, SAM, CUT YOUR GODDAMNED HAIR ALREADY! And those sideburns? Jesus! You're starting to look like that sylph-like wisp of a hooker who took down George Rekers. ANY-way, Bobby announces that the first truck's not due to leave for another hour, so they've got plenty of time to rig the place with plastique. "That truck is leaving," Castiel astutely observes, pointing to a box van that is, indeed, pulling away from the warehouse. "Balls!" Bobby shouts before thinking fast and announcing, "Okay! New plan." Heh.

And just what does that new plan involve? My Badass Baboo hijacking the first truck just as it reaches the gate, for starters, thereby strategically blocking the exit for all of the cargo vans still parked in the warehouse bays. Unfortunately, when Castiel rams the driver's head with the butt of his sawed-off shotgun, the driver's head smashes down onto the truck's horn, thereby alerting the demonically enhanced warehouse supervisors to Team Free Will's presence. One of the supervisors, by the way, is last week's janitor. Just so you know. In any event, the demonically enhanced warehouse supervisors immediately decide to "bake [the intruders] up a little treat," and to that end, they throw the warehouse into lockdown, trapping dozens of still-human flunkies inside while Sam and Bobby bang uselessly against the now-shuttered warehouse bay doors. Super-Smart Sammy thinks to check for a side entrance, however, and after blasting off the lock with Dashing El Deano's trusty pearl-handled automatic, he and Bobby enter to push a clutch of terrified still-human flunkies out the door. And once those people are gone, things get very, very quiet, save for the muted sounds of a gruesome struggle somewhere deep within the warehouse interior. The demonically enhanced supervisors, you see, have dosed about a half dozen of the formerly human flunkies with the jacked-up Mexican Influenza vaccine, and the fresh Croatoan rage zombies are now apparently eating one of their coworkers! "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" And as the rage zombies sense Sam and Bobby's presence and rise from their huddle to face our suddenly imperiled protagonists with their lurid red-rimmed rage-zombie eyes, the strings on the soundtrack go bananas with the psychotically shrieking upward swirls, and Deluxe Action Sammy With The Super-Special Glow-In-The-Dark Zombie-Smiting Hands coldly aims Dean's trusty pearl-handled automatic directly into the METAL TEETH CHOMP!

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