Episode Report Card
Demian: B+ | 2 USERS: B+
The Hardy Boys Have This Condition

...FLASHBACK! After shuddering through a brief glimpse of Slutty Sammy firing a gun while Zombie Grandpa yells, "Let's go!" the vision settles itself into a lengthy little scene in which Slutty Sammy and Zombie Grandpa expound upon, like, The Hunter's Philosophy Of Life, or some such bullshit, to a rapt audience comprised of Sheriff Monster Chow and his wife. It's largely pointless, and when it's over...

...Sam snaps back to the present to find Brenna standing before him with a banker's box filled with folders. They truck the thing over to the dining room table, and are soon engrossed in the minutiae of last year's disappearances. Well, Brenna's engrossed in the minutiae of last year's disappearances. Sam keeps hurling himself into bad acid flashbacks whenever he picks up a new piece of evidence, be it a missing persons flyer for one James Edward Drake, which elicits a few scattershot images of the bespectacled gentleman in question apparently encased in a gigantic cotton ball, or a little baggie of stringy white fibers, which hurls Our Intrepid Hero into this evening's next damn...

...FLASHBACK! "Best guess?" Zombie Grandpa offers, twiddling a small puff of those stringy white fibers between his fingers. "Came from an Arachne." "You ever seen one?" Slutty Sammy asks. "No one has," Zombie Grandpa replies before amending that answer with, "Not outside of Crete, and not for about two thousand years." "Then, what do we even know about them?" Slutty Sammy wonders. "Zip," Zombie Grandpa frowns. "Just a bunch of guesses and a blurry picture on the side of a Greek vase." Suddenly, the human garbage can at the next table roars, "Yeeeeeaaaah!" and a gaggle of pirate-themed waitresses jiggle over to take his Polaroid for The Poop Deck's wall. Slutty Sammy looks even more annoyed in this flashback than he did in the photograph Dean found a year later, if that's at all possible. And once the rollicking festivities at the next table have ebbed, Slutty Sammy and Zombie Grandpa return to their strategizing, admitting they haven't the faintest idea how to kill the thing they're after before Slutty Sammy whips out a map. All of the missing gentlemen vanished from an area of suburban sprawl two miles from the center of Lonely Pines Park. They can either start knocking on doors, which Slutty Sammy of course thinks is a waste of time, or they can -- as Slutty Sammy puts it -- "make this thing come to us." "How do we do that?" Zombie Grandpa blinks. Alas, Zombie Grandpa, you must wait for your answer, for that just-appearing zappy noise means we're being kicked back to...

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