Episode Report Card
Demian: B+ | 2 USERS: B+
The Hardy Boys Have This Condition

Once the various parts of tonight's Special Guest Beast have dropped to the floor, dead -- "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" -- Zombie Grandpa and Slutty Sam return to Sheriff Monster Chow's side, and Sheriff Monster Chow, quite frankly, isn't looking too good. Add to that the fact that he very nearly bored me to tears each and every time he appeared on screen this evening, and I think you'll understand when I tell you I find myself siding with Slutty Sam when he decides their only option is to kill him. "KILL HIM! KILL THE TASTY SPECIAL GUEST BEAST SNACK!" Naturally, Sheriff Monster Chow has a few problems with Slutty Sam's decided course of action, but because the Special Guest Beast's venom has rendered him virtually paralytic, it's left to Zombie Grandpa to plead the guy's case. Which he does, to no avail. Slutty Sam whips out his trusty automatic and, after assuring Sheriff Monster Chow that he dies a hero, Slutty Sam puts a bullet in his head. BAM!

As we saw during the pre-credits sequence, Slutty Sam repeats this process with each of the four remaining cocooned bits of monster chow -- minus the little speech, of course --- and when it's all over, Slutty Sam turns to Zombie Grandpa and says, "We can't just leave the bodies here. Get the gasoline." "EEEEEEEEEEEEE! FIRE! FIRE! EEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

And when it's all over -- and when Raoul's shrieking is done -- Darling Sammy snaps back to the present, turns to stare all wild-eyed at Dreary El Deano, and breathes, "I know what happened!" Dun-dun-DUN!

Chez Sheriff. Snow blankets the home's exterior while inside, Brenna Dobbs suddenly startles herself awake from the nap she'd been taking on the couch, and she rises to find...oh, this is just fucking ridiculous. It's Sheriff Monster Chow, back from the dead, because tonight's Special Guest Beast didn't actually paralyze him with her venom a year ago. "She didn't?!" No, Raoul, she didn't. "Then what, pray tell, did she do to him!?" Well, if you'd hush up for just one damn second, I'd tell you. "Ooops! Please continue!" Fine. Judging by those double-irised, bright-blue drag queen contacts he's now sporting, I'd guess tonight's Special Guest Beast actually turned this bit of monster chow into an actual monster. "Oooh! How thrilling!" Uh, yeah. Not so much, because as you might have guessed from my initial reaction upon his entrance, his makeup is a mess. "Oh! How depressing!" Indeed.

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