Episode Report Card
Demian: B+ | 2 USERS: B+
The Hardy Boys Have This Condition

Meanwhile, down on The Poop Deck, a much-relieved Dean dallies with a decidedly receptive waitress for a moment or two before grinning up at the large corkboard covered with Polaroids of those iron-stomached gentlemen who actually succeeded in their attempts at The Sea Captain's Challenge. A tiny detail in one of the photographs catches his eye, and as he leans in to squint at the thing, we shoot...

...back upstairs, where the brunette's just now asking of Sam, "Where's your partner?" "Sex rehab," the just-arriving Dean snarkily replies, adding, "You heard of plushies, right? Ew!" Sam thinks fast and introduces Dean as his new partner, and Dean just as quickly makes leaving noises, so the brunette and her still-scowling husband continue on their way towards the bar. As she passes by, however, the brunette places a lingering hand upon one of Darling Sammy's remarkably broad shoulders, and Our Intrepid Hero is hurled straight into...

...yet another grainy, jittery, black-and-white flashback! DUN! Soulless Sammy hikes his tongue down the married brunette's throat, then hoists her into the air, the better to plant her rear end down on the sink in an otherwise deserted public toilet. Kinky. "Cuff me!" the married brunette coos in Slutty Sammy's ear. "Atta girl!" shrieks Raoul, and Raoul, it behooves me to ask: Are you speaking to her, or to him? "Both!" Gotcha. Moving on, then.

Sam snaps back to the present, once again thoroughly and visibly freaked, only this time around, he immediately admits to Dean, "I think [Zombie Grandpa] and I worked a case in this town!" "Ya think?" Dean eyebrows, tossing Sam one of the Polaroids from the wall downstairs. The foreground of the image is, of course, dominated by some human garbage can sporting an outsized pirate's hat, grinning at the camera while his long-suffering waitress readies a vomit bucket behind his back. In the far, blurry background of the shot, however, are Slutty Sam and Zombie Grandpa, looking supremely annoyed. DUN! Or, you know, so the panicky thrumming of those sudden strings on the soundtrack would have us believe. "Let's get the hell out of here," Dean growls, throwing some cash down on the table, and as they exit, Cuckold Don scorches Darling Sammy's rapidly retreating back with yet another five-alarm scowl.

Over in the abandoned hovel Our Intrepid Heroes requisitioned for their stay in Bristol because they apparently ran out of the pool-sharking cash required to rent an actual motel room, a frenzied Dean barks, "Hop to, wouldya?" as he shoves his clothes into a duffel bag. "We can't go," Sam glumly announces from his perch atop an absolutely filthy abandoned mattress. "Uh, yeah, we can," Dean duhs, but his solid bit of reasoning, there, is all for naught, for Sam and his recently restored conscience have been furiously Googling Bristol on the Interwebs, and they've discovered that a similar series of disappearances plagued the town about a year ago, only that time, it was men who went missing. "Something's here," Darling Sammy insists, "so either we didn't stop it, or we only thought we did." Dean points out that the "gender bend" between last year's victims and the recent spate of vanished brunettes equals "a totally different M.O.," and besides, he argues, "There is a reason that hunters don't hit the same town over again: We have a habit of leaving messes behind!" Sam attempts to splutter something relevant, but Dean loudly out-talks him to lecture, "One of [our worthless bastard of a so-called father's] rules? 'You never use the same crapper twice!'" "Everyone uses the same crapper twice," Sam counters, but Dean will not be swayed, and he again insists they skedaddle, pronto. Darling Sammy and His Recently Restored Conscience heave a tremendously put-upon sigh and, long story short, they browbeat and guilt-trip Dreary El Deano into seeing the current case through, regardless of the danger said course of action might represent with regards to Capital-D Death's obviously shoddy Wall. "All right," Dean reluctantly concedes, "I'll follow up with the brunettes, you see what you can get from the cops."

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