Episode Report Card
Demian: A+ | 6 USERS: A+
The Last Temptation Of The Hardy Boys

"Dean!" The one true Darling Sammy bellows into his brother's dazed face in the real world's abandoned C. & R. Jacob Chemical Company. Dean, suspended from the ceiling with a blood bag hooked up to his neck, slowly struggles into sludgy consciousness, and when he sees Sam standing there in front of him, he gets a small little grin on his ashen, wasted face and whispers, "Auntie Em!" Heh. "There's no place like home," Dean murmurs, continuing the reference while doing more damage to his heterosexual Neanderthal reputation than I ever thought possible. "Might I remind you," Raoul interjects, "that Darling Sammy suggested the dear boy was overcompensating as far back as that dreadfully boring episode set in the bed and breakfast?! Perhaps his supposed fascination with Barbara Eden -- that goddess of the small screen -- is simply more of the same!" Excellent point, my scaly friend, but I really must finish this recap. "Oh, by all means!" Though to be honest, after that last scene in Dean's Fantasyland, I really don't care much about the ending of the Monster Of The Week bit, so let's speed through it, shall we? Sam unhooks Dean from the blood bag and is halfway through cutting him down when The Frigging Genie attacks. Of course, because Sam suh-huuuuuucks at the hand-to-hand, The Frigging Genie quickly subdues his gargantuan ass and is about to send The Ginormotron spinning off into a Fantasyland built upon Sam's own deepest wish (my guess? To be entirely normal, which means that in his dream world, Sam'll be all of five-foot-eight. And that's just for starters) when El Deano manfully breaks free of his remaining bonds and stabs The Frigging Genie in the back with the tainted silver knife. Once they confirm The Frigging Genie's dead, Our Intrepid Heroes free the real-world Woozy Woman In Filthy And Bloodstained White, and it's off to yet another CHOMP-free commercial break for everyone involved.

Joliet Motel. Denouement. While flipping through a magazine, Dean stumbles across an ad for El Sol beer with the tagline "Go someplace better." Ugh. And on top of that, the model in the ad is Carmen, in the same pose she struck for that beach picture of hers in Dean's imaginary apartment. Double ugh. They should have left well enough alone. And as that's put me right off this denouement, let's get to the facts, shall we? The Real-World Woozy Woman In Filthy And Bloodstained White is recovering quite nicely at a nearby hospital, thank you very much, and Dim Dean doesn't realize what he actually wished for. Nope, he still thinks he wished their mother alive again, not understanding at all the deeper impulse that resulted in every last detail of his dream world -- most importantly Fantasy Sam's complete lack of dependence on his brother, unfortunate though the circumstances that led to that complete lack of dependence were -- and while it's fun to understand more about the character than he seems capable of understanding himself, still: Poor Dean. So tragic. So dumb. Though I do wonder if they're going to exploit any of this stuff further, because I think they could have fun with it, especially Dean's now blatantly evident deep-seated hatred of his worthless bastard of a so-called father. In any event, after Dean bemoans everything they've lost over the years because of The Ceiling Demon -- again, some more -- we finally fade to black.

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